Tuesday, 12 January 2016

千帆过尽,不忘初心

忙忙碌碌,迷迷糊糊,哭着笑着,又晃了一年。。。

2016 的年头,和三位好友闯进了非洲领域,在摩洛哥呆了一个星期。与其说去游玩,我更喜欢去体验生命这个说法。一个与我格格不入的地方和文化,让我从顾虑,到安心,到欣然,到感慨。

我不属于喧哗的人群,但一颗好奇和探索的心把我从一个地方带到另一个地方。我想要走得很远很远,想要踏遍世界每一个角落,但我的归属始终占据着我心中,一个不显眼却又无法忽视的角落。我喜新,却又念旧。这个颇为落后的旧城,给了我崭新的感觉。来到了这个新地方,让我回忆了些许的从前。

我喜欢乘着车,吹着风,空着心,发着呆。在前往撒哈拉沙漠的路程,我们在车里睡睡醒醒。有那么一段时间,我忽然睡不着了。轻轻地打开车窗,迎面而来的清风,很舒服;路过的草原和部落,很平静。我不是一个典型的城市女孩,心境却被繁杂的社会一点一点地渲染。每一天,熙来人往,时间快到我来不及停下来欣赏身边的一切。我错过了多少,与多少人擦肩而过,或许都不太重要。我想,放眼未来,我必须学会如何让我这颗向往自由和平静的心,继续在这拥挤的道路上奔放。

第一次骑上骆驼在黄沙上彳亍而行,刚开始的高度让我害怕。逐渐习惯了以后,才发现我可以很安稳地到达目的地。再难爬的高峰,都不是因为我驾驭不来,而是输给了自己的胆怯。原来,沙漠中炽热的不是太阳,而是人心。他们的纯朴和无忌,刺痛了外人的多心和拘谨。我怀念那柔软的沙土,冰冰凉凉地,握在手心上,下一刻就流出了五指间。我想念那一夜满天的星星,和朋友们比手画脚,寻找着北斗七星和南十字星,仿佛一切就像把两个点连接起来那么简单。

到了摩洛哥菲斯的旧城市,除了迷路,还是迷路。千年前的设计保存至今,穿来插去的狭窄走道,只为了在当年阻挡敌人的攻击。我们像无知的小羊,跟着导游窜来窜去,探索着这迷宫里的生活方式。在资源还未被挖掘的时候,用土堆砌而成的屋子很容易倒塌;在电能和水源还未普及的时候,一切都只能和大家分享;在你没有能力或需要帮助的时候,你只能恭维他人或向人伸手要钱。然而,当你拥有这一切看似基本的需求以后,你又给得了什么?

这一趟旅程,除了一些人的过度热情和我的小病,其他的都是特别的体验,美好的回忆。我想,我又向世界迈出了一步。走出了我的小框框,我变得很渺小,但也逐渐地强大。


题外话:他们可以用一千只骆驼来求婚,我还真想目睹千只骆驼在沙漠的一幕,肯定很壮观!







开始的开始我们都是孩子,但繁华过尽,谁能让心温润如初?
泛黄的记忆里,谁又记得我曾经是谁?

Sunday, 27 December 2015

思念

驻足于桥梁尽头
缕缕清风
撩起丝丝的暖意
涛涛波浪
泛起淡淡的思念

还学不会把爱说出口
彼此却已相隔八千里
你微笑着把祝福端上
我的转身也比眼泪快
于是,把爱埋在心底
成了我们无意的习惯

你用生命托起我的未来
予我今生最长情的告白
而我只给得起片字承诺
沉默;是我坚持的勇气
漆黑;坚定我心中亮光

月色穿透漫漫深夜
自枝桠间倾泻而下
浸身于闪烁的星空
怅意尽消,牵挂犹在
唯有托清风捎去安康

我很好,
你们也要好好的 (:

Monday, 22 July 2013

撩迹


似曾相识的身影
挣脱黑暗
牵引着回忆的枷锁
月色   洒了满地
何去,何从
若来,何受

蹒跚向前
历来风雨往肩担
俄而雪骤固留步
心中热血从未止

天离地有多高
东离西有多远
非吾所晓
等等待待
奈何信中带无奈。。。


圆月,月圆
多少试验梦方圆
醉酒,酒醉
晨曦梦醒谁自醉?

Sunday, 30 June 2013

OBS 2013 :)


So, I survived at OBS :D

After 5 days of theories at BTN, we went to OBS for 7 days, from 23rd to 29th of June. Before this, I have never heard of OBS until I got to know that Petronas will be sending their scholars there. Outward Bound School, a place to train and challenge people at different age, mentally and physically. Since primary school, I enjoy camping and participating in outdoor activities, mostly on land. This camp had given me different kind of exposure and of course, it would be the once in our life time, for all 57 Petronas scholars who went.

During first few days, we had to change our programme accordingly due to the high air pollution index. Initially, we should be going for land and sea expedition, jungle trekking up and down 3 peaks at Pangkor Island and kayaking around the Pangkor Island. Unfortunately, the haze was not gone until it rained on the third day, we only had enough time for one and they have chosen the sea expedition. When the API was still high, Petronas did ask us to vote whether we would like to stay there or go home. I personally voted to stay, as it would have been wasted if we chose to go home when we haven't even complete the programme. At the end of the day, majority won, and we stayed, I'm glad that we have made the right choice :)

On the first day, all our food, books and electronic gadgets were kept by instructors. Then, it was some introduction session to enable us to know each other better. I was in the group Yong Belar, "Yong" is actually mountain in Orang Asli's language, so my group is Gunung Belar. We had 15 group members, our instructor was Mr Firdaus, After we had introduced ourselves, he shared with us about how did he come to become an instructor at OB Malaysia. We were quite surprised to hear that he graduated from a degree in culinary arts. Along the path in searching for the most suitable occupation, he worked in a hotel, as a customer service at Astro, attended an interview to become a fire fighter and at the end, an OB instructor. He also shared with us how he went through the test in becoming an instructor, where he capsized 3 times during kayaking, building the solo tent like a "kenduri" style etc, and still, he did not choose to give up. His determination in achieving success is something that we should learn.

Abang Firdaus, Me and Syn Yee

On the second and third day, we went for a small scale jungle trekking. We also learnt how to kayak, my partner was Harvard (yes, his name is Harvard and he will be studying in the US lol!). We were taught how to forward, backward, long turn, sharp turn as well as the thing that I dislike the most, capsize and what to do after that. Most of the people knows that I can't swim, I'm afraid of being in water and not touching the bottom -.- However, everyone had to do it and I did it as well, it was like counting 1, 2, 3 and capsized, and came out from the boat and swim up. Sounds simple? But I don't like lol! 

Then, we had some indoor games, rope climbing and rock climbing. Nothing much about these, but I really want to compliment Syiqin for being so brave and not giving up. She is seriously afraid of height, she cried while she was halfway climbing up the rope, then our instructor had to let her down. During the rock climbing which was much more harder than the rope activity, she decided to give it a try. Halfway up the wall, she struggled and cried too, but this time she didn't let go. Together with the supports and cheers from instructors and participants, she made it to the top! Bravo Syiqin! 

Besides, we had raft building too. All 4 groups were to build a raft that can support all the members and compete with each other on the sea to reach the destination. It was not too hard for our group, we had some people who knew how to tie a knot and a bunch of guys who contributed their strength. On the way moving forward, our group was the second, then we made a quick and nice sharp turn to go back to the starting point which made us the champion :P It was fun sitting on the raft that we built ourselves, shouting One Two, One Two and kicking water at the same time haha. 

Yong Belar with our raft! ^.^ v

On the fourth day, we could finally see Pangkor Island from Lumut after the big rain, it was very beautiful. This day, we started our 3 days 2 nights sea expedition. We departed after we packed everything and had our lunch. Everyone seemed to be very excited, normally we do kayak at lake or river, and now we were going to kayak at the sea! We went on to the kayak by pairs except Rheza, we had odd number of participants and he became the one who kayak alone~ First day of kayaking was not bad, except that I was hoping not to capsize along the way especially when the waves were strong. We took around 2 hours to reach the campsite.

Look, they are excited, aren't they? :)

There were a lot of monkeys at the campsite and the toilet area was scary lol! We built tents, set up fire to cook and there gone our first night. The next morning, we woke up around 5am to prepare breakfast and pack everything. Around 7.30am, we left the campsite and moved on. The real challenge has begun -- kayaking around the Pangkor Island. We did have a great start as the sea was peaceful. Instructors told us that we were fast, if nothing goes wrong, we would probably reach the second campsite in the afternoon. 

A few hours have gone, most of us were feeling tired especially under the hot sun. We are just normal human being, going slower and slower when we knew that we were near to the destination. While we were taking our time, the sky started to become dark. I was just telling Harvard to move faster, then the storm came. The wind was blowing so strong, together with the waves, we couldn't get our way straight. From far, we could see that all boats were no longer in the formation, we were going further from each other.

As one of the boats that were at the middle, we were quite far away from the front. We tried to catch up with them but we failed, it was just to hard to pedal. Looking back, there were a lot of people far behind us. There were no one around us, the speedboat went behind to pick up some of them who were too far away from the group, one at a time using the speedboat. For once, I asked Harvard, before anything happened, should we just blow the whistle and ask for help, or should we just land at the beach nearby? He took a while and replied, let's move on :) 

So, we moved on. We didn't have the strength to continue, the waves kept pushing my pedal to the back and it hit Harvard's pedal. Both of us were panic, but I knew I shouldn't stop, it won't get us anywhere but we would just capsize. And if the boat capsize, with the strong waves, I knew that I couldn't stay calm and wait for the instructor to come, I would struggle and it might cost my life even though I had a life jacket. At that point of time, I had only one thought --- I couldn't afford to capsize. We had to keep on doing sharp turn to get our direction straight, it ended up where I became the one who gave the command and Harvard contributed his strength lol. I knew it was hard for him, especially that it took a lot of strength to make a sharp turn to go against the flow. 

After struggling for so long, we finally reached the destination. We saw a lot of people cried, the first round of headcount had only 30+ people out of 57, there were almost half of us who had not make their way here. Speedboats went around to pick them up and we prayed for the safety of all. Thank God at the end of the day, all of us arrived safely. It was challenging and we would probably experience it only once in our lifetime. Harvard and I were grateful to have each other along the way, I taught him how to determine the direction to go against the wave and he used off all his strength to get us to the destination. 

During the sharing session at night, some of us shared our experience. Rheza, the one who kayak alone shared that during the storm, he felt extremely helpless. He was too tired to pedal against the strong waves and there was no one to help him, he had to make it to the destination himself. At that point of time, he was telling his God to just let him die, he just couldn't continue anymore. Out of a sudden, he felt the strength in him, then he kayak to the beach nearby, landed there and asked for help. Throughout the journey, he was saved by the speedboat for 3 times lol! Another pair, Ayuni and her partner, their boat capsized after hitting by the waves. They came out from the boat and tried to get the support from the boat to float, then the boat capsized and they were brought down into the seawater again, it happened 3 times until they could stay still and blow the whistle. Both of them were really panic and if it was not the whistle, instructors wouldn't find them. 

I was glad that instructors have chosen the sea expedition for us instead of the land. It might not be something that I would like to do, but if it was not OBS, I wouldn't get to experience it in my lifetime. I wouldn't expect that one like me, who don't know how to swim and afraid of water, to actually kayak on the sea for more than 5 hours, with the storm, and survived. The instructor was right, we were not expected to remember how to pedal, how to built up a tent, how to set up fire etc in the future, but there will always be something that we will not forget, how hard we have tried to survive, to overcome our fear in life, how we have been holding our friends tight to go through all these together. Are we still going to be like this in the future? Will all of us remember the moments that we have went through together as a Petronas family? God knows :)

Not forgetting to mention about the second campsite, there was no washroom there and we had to settle our "business" at "anywhere" :X Then, we used the well water for shower. I wouldn't call it a shower, the water was grey in colour, it made my body and hair smelled like the drain water lol! Well, we called it back to basic, so couldn't really care much about it, at least we have some water there. On the next morning, we went back to the OBS place and ended our 3 days 2 nights sea expedition, with around 10 hours of kayaking. 

After cleaning boats and unpacking all the things, we went back for a nice shower before we started to prepare for the BBQ night. As usual, we were required to perform. During the night, it was performance and food together with instructors, participants and our Petronas officers who came all the way from KL. On the last day, we had our quick and short closing ceremony, certificates were given out together with our group photo on the first day. And so, 57 of us, officially "graduated" from the Outward Bound School :) 

Got a certificate and a badge hehe~ 

Hmmm..... a lot to say about this. A big thanks to our instructors, specifically to my watch's instructor, Mr Firdaus as well as Yong Belar people. Generally, girls are really good in cooking and guys contributed their strength in everything. In life, people around us are the Ankle and Belayer while we are the Climber. A lot of times, they give us their full support in order for us to achieve what we want. Thank you Petronas for spending so much on us for this OBS programme, it was a great one! I wouldn't have the chance to experience these if I did not go to OBS, the sea expedition really did challenge me to the maximum. I would also like to say that all our juniors are awesome, they are good in their own way and the bonding between them are really strong :)

我也看见了红月 :)

After this camp, 
I tell myself, 
I must learn how to swim -.-

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

这一次,加油!


我也有今天了,哈哈,哈哈哈 =.=

以前,都不知道是谁成天都爱说成绩,不过是一张纸。一个人的素质,根本无法以成绩来衡量。以这句话作借口,我似乎已习以为常了。这句话很有道理啊,可不是吗?

在幼儿园和小学的我,的确曾经名列前茅的。到了中学,开始参与了各项活动,分散了专注力。成绩,每一次都是够用就好,以自身体现了“小时了了,大未必佳”这句话。虽说放纵了自己,可是我当然也会确保我达到该达到的水准。只是已经回不去那什么都高分的我。有时候,小学朋友也曾问,以前的你去了哪?呵呵~

而祢,总是这样,我越说不能的东西,祢就会要我去推翻自己的拒绝。因祢知道,其实我是可以的,只是很多时候,我都否定了自己。所以,我被置于一群获得奖学金的学生当中。说真的,一开始的确会不习惯的,我根本不属那一类人啊~ 不但如此,祢还特地安排了我在他们三个人身边,成了四人一班,俗称 “further maths gang” 。

和他们三个在一起,是很开心的。可是每每说到学业,我简直就是和三个在各自中学全校第一的学生一起,犹如和三个黄诗怡(10 年公教第一的优异生)一起上课 =.= 如果我告诉你没有压力,那就是个莫大的谎言了。四个人在一个班,一对三,倘若我不把自己的成绩也变得像他们的一样漂亮怎么行。

我想,祢就是知道这方法对我最有效,才刻意做了这么一个安排。结果,明知道自己可以拿 account,却还是选择了 further maths。预考成绩出了。这一次,我真的做到了,把之间的距离给合起来了,甚至在某些程度上超越了。看着自己满分的考卷,老师还骗我是50/100,心里其实真的很感恩。纵使仅有这一次,或者算我幸运,可就这一次预考,给了我很大的推动力。

从来,都未曾像这两年那么努力,那么希望可以把自己的成绩推向巅峰。从来,都未曾以成绩为承诺,都未曾让成绩来主宰我的道路。这一次,真的好笑了~ 祢要让我看见的,就是这个对吧?谁说我高攀不住那群优异生,到最后,还不是自己不够奋斗。在祢的引领下,没有难成的事。这,是真的。

倒数两个星期了。这一次,我读书了,还是没有最后一分钟才来拼的。祢并没有只是把我放在这里就离开了,祢给我这么好的他们。我可以说,如果不是他们三个,我其实也不会那么努力地去突破。如果今天班上不是只是我和他们三个,我也不会想过其实我还可以做得更好。就像今天和 min wen 说的,我衷心地感激他们一直以来的帮助,在我无法解答的时候给予教导。

当成绩不再只是个人目标,而已经变成一种承诺,变成左右你生命的关键之一,你知道,你已经不可以松懈了。这一次或许是二十年来第一次感受到那种深切的逼迫感,但我知道,这只是个开始。以后,没了他们,就必须自律了~

告诉自己,需要再努力,现在的不够,还不够。还需要更好,除了因为要更好,也因为已经很清楚地知道自己可以更好。


If you want something that you have never had,
then you must do something that you have never done!

Sunday, 28 April 2013

今天,我明了 :')


最近的生活,是低沉的。告诉了自己多少次,离大考还有两个星期,该抛开一切,专注在课业上的。可是,我怎么都做不到。每当我静下来的时候,思绪就会被侵蚀;心,已被厚厚的低落感笼罩着。

近期,死了好多人,天灾和人祸与日俱增。有些人看见了这些新闻,或许会多了份感慨,或许会多了份庆幸。而我,却可以为这些失落好久好久。我承认,我比普通人多了一份情感。有人说,是我多情;有人说,是我爱胡思乱想。他却告诉我,这,是上帝的怜悯。

我,已经越来越不敢翻开报纸,阅读新闻了。五年前,身为编辑部队的一分子,我必须阅读五一二四川大地震的新闻,时时跟进地震的死伤人数。读着每一篇故事,看着每一张照片,真的很心痛。最近四川再度发生了地震,我已经失去了那个勇气去阅读那些新闻,听灾民们的故事。我很清楚地知道,我不能,真的不能。接二连三的死亡消息,对我的打击真的很大。生命,是什么?因一场天灾,因人类的罪恶而失去的生命,是什么?

除了死亡的消息,新闻也充满了大马政治的消息。看见了大家的期待,看见了大家的坚决。看着国政如何因为被威胁而作出的行动,看着人民如何心连心地喊改变。可偏偏这时候,祢却告诉我:孩子,还不是时候。我一直都不敢把祢告诉我的这句话说出去。。。明明知道是祢,可就连我听了,也会感到悲哀。

对于一群气势汹汹,迫不及待要改朝换代的人民来说,“还不是时候”这五个字,真的很残忍。还不是时候,究竟是什么意思?还要多少个五年,才可以让大家有安稳的生活;还要多少个五年,才可以让人民对这片土地重拾希望;还要多少个五年,才可以建立人民之间的和谐,让大家团结一致,勇敢地站立起来?

我,问了祢好多好多的问题。我也曾经有那个念头,想求祢收回那份怜悯。别人或许无法了解,可祢一定知道,这份怜悯对我的思绪起了多大的影响。最后,我还是收回了自己的请求。如果今天,我为一条生命失落了一天,我感受到那种痛苦;那创造人类的祢,看着人类的堕落,无谓的相争,岂不是更伤吗?

今天,祢答复了。我听见了,真的听见了。祢对我说:孩子,别再伤心,别再低落了。你要相信我,随着我的计划而来的,是比你想像中更好的美意。离去的人,我已经把他们接到了我的国度里了。你所呼求的,我都听见了。不要急,慢慢来,你可以的 :)

想对祢说,上帝,我明白了。这次,我真的明白了。我不会再问为什么,无论发生什么事,无论最后的结果是什么,这一切,都只是为了成就更多的救赎,为了带来更好的未来。祢赐给我的怜悯,不是要让我被满满的消沉击败,而是要我因着这份感动,因着这份痛,去感化更多的生命。他说,我是蒙福的,因祢非常地厚爱我。是的,我哪会忘记,祢是我从小的守护神,祢让天使一直地照顾我。既然祢拣选了我,那我必让我的生命成为一个最有力,最实体的见证。

以前,都不肯让自己在祢的殿中掉泪。今天,我毫无保留的掉泪了。因为我告诉自己,我会听话,我会遵从祢的旨意。

在那浩瀚的大海中,纵使孤舟,我亦行
因祢会引领我,跨越所有艰难和风暴

我明白了,
所以我流泪了;
我领悟了,
所以我哭了。


Friday, 26 April 2013

无声的夜


倚坐在屋檐下
瞻望远方的余晖
轻风
撩起了发角
丝丝凉意
吹动着滔滔温情

小路的尽头
怅意弥浓
枝桠间
雀雁呵叹着远景
伴奏无声的心声
颂苍生

缄默
细听
齿轮的旋转
一度一分
我心
又碎了多少分


只想静静地
沉溺在这月色中
等待
下一个晨曦

Saturday, 20 April 2013

一个改变的期待 :)


最近,一打开面子书和报纸,看到的都是大选的消息。这次的五月五大选,真的是马来西亚50年来最来势汹汹的一次。其实,懂我的人都知道,我真的很不喜欢政治。如果你问我,我只会回答你“无聊”两个字。不是我不关心国家大事,不是我无视他们对国家的重要性,而是明明知道他们对一个国家有多么地重要,却整天只看见他们互相责骂或浪费资源,而觉得很无聊。

人民集会,集体游行已经演变成人民向政府传达民声的管道,这话说出来,都会觉得可悲。倘若有选择,谁不想在周末的清晨呆在家,与家人享受天伦之乐,而要花时间出来与大家享受日光浴,为的只是向政府表达一个立场?一个国家,既为民主,就不应该让一党独裁。所谓的两线制,就是要承认双方的存在,保持一种互相监督的关系,让一个国家真正地繁荣。可是为什么,连这最基本的公平竞争,你也会胆怯?

说真的,我还是保持中立的一份子,国阵和民联我哪边都不会靠。不是人家所谓的我没有看清国阵有多不好,而是无论现在执政的是哪一方,你总是会有反对你的人群。没有错,现在的你可以大声地骂国政的不是,以它的不是否定了它所有的成就;如果民联上阵了,你可以确保五年或十年后,同样的事情不会发生吗?

可是,我很清楚地知道一点,当一个党羽执政了多年,它会有它的高峰期,然后它就会享受在被承认的目光里,在原地踏步,最后衰弱。这,是每一个领导者,每一个执政党羽都会面对的问题。五十年来不变的模式,哪来的突破?我的重点是,问题已经超乎了每个人都会犯错的议题。纵使我不能确认民联上阵会带来进步,也不能确认国政连任后真的会改变,但我可以确定改变是必要的。

我身边都是一群拿奖学金,日后将一起到国外升学的学生。获得了出国升学的机会,开始找寻很多国外顶尖大学的资料,开始发现很多马来西亚给不到你的机会。是的,很兴奋,很期待,但也很感慨。为什么在马来西亚,外国留学生就会被标志为高级一点的毕业生,在外国公司做工就会标志为前途无可限量?会不会有这么一天,外国人会像我们期待被录取般地期待能够进入马来西亚大学,希望能够获得在马来西亚就业的机会(莫说来大马找口饭吃的外劳)?

其实,马来西亚很好,真的很好。虽然环境渐渐地被污染,虽然我们有了第一次的小战争,可比起有天灾战争的国家,我们哪会不好?其实,我们有很多人才,真的很多。如果你认真地在世界各地做调查,你会发现很多成功人士都是马来西亚人。此地无用武之地,大材小用成了他们离弃祖国最有理的借口。倘若爱国是有未来的,倘若为国效力是有价值的,倘若大家看重的是一个人的才干,而不是其他的因素,你就会在这里发现他们的踪影了。

这个国家,还是有好的公司,在此宣扬一下赞助我们的国油公司,Petronas。我真的欣赏他们的中心思想以及爱惜人才,培育人才的作风。他人或许不知道,可是我们身为他们一小部分的都知道,它为了这个国家供应了多少。你在用着的电能,煤气及石油,若不是它没有完全顾及自己的盈利,负担了几乎一半的费用,大家还能那么安乐地享受吗?可是一个这么好的公司,容不下所有的人。

所以,这个国家的中心思想需要改变。请不要再让人才流失,白白地让其他国家得益了好吗?我不是在卖我们的价值有多高,请高薪留住我们,而是至少让大家看见属于每个人的一个价值。我想,不需要全世界最丰厚的薪水,只需要最基本的珍惜与重视,人民就会愿意为这土地留下。我的根,在马来西亚,不是在中国,将来也不会在英国,不会在新加坡。

身为大马人,有些东西我们也必须很坦然地接受。每个国家会有属于自己的身份,每个国家也会尽可能地保护自己种族的思想。身为华人,我没有要求绝对的公平,但我希望大家能够达成某种程度上的共识。马来文,我愿意学,而且我还会引以为荣,因为我懂得我国家的语言,但请别否定华文,英文和印度语文。伊斯兰教,我尊敬,我甚至和他们住在同一个屋檐下,我没问题,但请也尊敬其他种族与宗教信仰。我不是针对任何一方,只是以此为例。我只希望有一天,我不再需要填我是什么种族,是什么宗教,我的肤色不再需要被列入考量的因素。原因只有一个,因为我们都是马来西亚人。

马来西亚,不要再让人民心淡了,好吗?这一次,大家都投入了好多的希望与期待。如果改变不成,才是个真正的开始。人民不会再相信他们有那个能力去改变,因为再多的努力,似乎都战胜不了那专制。人民不会再相信有未来,因为这个未来,可能要等好多个五年,要等新一批的人就位,等新一群的热血人民重新团结。人民不再相信有前途,而都会开始转移发展的方向,因为所有的东西都会保持不变,走向国家破产的推算。这所谓的改变,重点不在于执政的党,而是整个国家的趋势与作风,都需要一个改变。

所以,拜托,请让它成了,我还要回来我祖国的 :)



爱国,
本不求国能给予你什么,
应自问你能贡献多少;
我爱国,
愿为国效力,
但我求国爱我,如我爱它,
求国惜我,如我惜它 !

*纯属个人抒发,敬请勿当政治宣言作任何评论*

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

无释


有些东西,我还是习惯性地只对你说。你,听见了吗?

在不知不觉中,脑海里又浮现了我从小就开始问的问题。和平的来临,是不是只是一个永远无法实现的梦?而如果这一天的来临,是用许许多多的生命换回来的,意义,还在吗?以前,我总在想,如果一个笑容可以温暖他人的心;如果一份爱可以感化他人的人生,那怎么大家都那么地吝啬呢?

其是,现在的我也不知道如何把脑里的思绪转化为文字。我想,你知道我想问的是什么吧?昨晚,读书到闷了,就阅读了几篇最近发生的事件,心里涌现了一股很强的失落感。今天,听见了一个朋友说:不是我不替无辜死亡的人感到可怜,而是才三个人离世,比起美国所炸死的,根本不能成对比。这句话,竟然是一个从已经20岁的人口中所出的。

原来,三条生命就不是生命。原来,死亡的人数少就不值得一提。原来,因为报仇而牺牲的生命是活该。以前,我曾经写过,一条生命的价值。一条生命,还是生命,不可以因为他只是一条生命,就无法和一群人的生命相同并论。无论你是个小孩,是个大人,是个好人,穷人还是坏人,你的生命,还是生命,还是一条宝贵的生命。

原谅我,我永远不会明白。为什么为了保住地位与权利,就必须通过宣战来显示自己有多强。为什么为了扩大政权,就必须以攻打来夺取其他领域。为什么为了失去的性命报仇,眼前所见的生命都已毫无价值了。从几时开始,人,已经变得那么冷血了?大家似乎对他人的死亡产生了免疫力,已经不会再感到丝毫的怜悯。

或许你会说,是我无知。或许你会挑战我,说如果今天的我是掌权人,面对外来的威胁和攻击,我会怎么做。如果今天的我是掌权人,面对一群铁定心肠要为心爱的人报仇的人民,我会怎么做。或许你会质问我,如果今天是我的亲人被敌人一举歼灭,我还能那么坦然地在这里问那么多白痴都会答的问题吗。

我想,是你从我身上拿走了某样东西吧。不知你拿走了的是什么,可我想那肯定是为了让我变得更好的。以前的人,打战的时候都会说,为了成就国家大事,区区的几条生命算得了什么。用生命换回来的胜利,用遍布满城的血而换来的稳定,似乎只是为了惦记为国捐躯的战士们而变得有价值。这怎么也无法与愿意放下九十九只羔羊,去寻找那一只迷失的羔羊的你相比。

不是觉得可以对牺牲了的生命置之不理,而是这样的相争,到何时才能结束?一个人生命的主宰权,是在上帝的手上,而不是在人的手上。一个人,凭什么来评论他人的价值,因为没有一个人配这么做。

有时候,真的很想问你,你是生命的主宰人,那这一切的发生,都是你的旨意吗?世人都是你创造的,看见自己的孩子互相残杀,那你不就比现在的我,更伤痛百倍,对吧?如果圣经上记载末世的预言之一是国会攻打国,民会攻打民,那这一切就是早在你预料中的吗?

人类,给这些罪捆绑得很深,很深。无论是你,是我,或是他,都一样。我也是人,也根本不配去猜测你的计划究竟是什么,也无法去思想你看见我们堕落的心情是什么。但,我心中就是不断地在问着这个问题,为什么,为什么他们就不能对人仁爱,凡事包容,互相相爱?那是不是永远只是一个梦?

前路,我看不见
有着太多我无法明白的问题
但我知道
我只需要如常地信靠着你
一直
地走下去


如果你应许,
可以告诉我答案吗?

Monday, 15 April 2013

Ms Loh's Birthday ^.^


Today is our Further Maths lecturer, Ms Loh's birthday. If you have heard me saying it, among our whole batch, there are only 4 of us in the Further Maths class. I guess that's the reason why she treats us very good as its quite easy to handle us and we are like a bunch of little kids haha! She always bring food for us and share "secrets" with us, secrets that keep within us only :) Oh yea, she only gives our class angpau during Chinese New Year =X

I can say she have never scolded us, of course we do complete her homework and attend classes on time. Sometimes, we tend to lose concentration in her class, and she will stare at us, questioning us the same question, didn't I teach you about this before?! haha! Then we will show the innocent and sorry face, sorry that we have forgotten it, then she will say, I don't want to tell you, find it our yourself lol!

She has high hope in four of us. I do know that my standard is not as top as the three of them, but she will always give encouragement. I promised her, I will strive for the best for her subject. Its definitely not easy, but I'm going to take up this challenge.

No doubt that I will surely miss her a lot after A Level, she is a really good teacher. Sometimes, she is very cute, especially when she was telling us about other classes. She looks like a kid when she was complaining too, don't imagine her to be one that 大吵大闹, of course she is not like that.

That day, we spent the whole hour chatting with her, guessing her age and birthday. She didn't want to tell us as she doesn't want anyone to celebrate for her, she doesn't want to announce to the whole world that her birthday is on the particular day. But still, we have prepared a birthday card for her. We all love her a lot too!

oh yea, this is how they discriminate short people 

This is the reply from her :
Thank you all! 
I really enjoy teaching your class!
No need to "scold" to do work, can share "secrets" with, fun! :)
Have been thinking about how much I am going to miss your class when you complete your A Levels in June :(


Happy Birthday,
Ms Loh!