无声的夜

倚坐在屋檐下
瞻望远方的余晖
轻风
撩起了发角
丝丝凉意
吹动着滔滔温情

小路的尽头
怅意弥浓
枝桠间
雀雁呵叹着远景
伴奏无声的心声
颂苍生

缄默
细听
齿轮的旋转
一度一分
我心
又碎了多少分

只想静静地

沉溺在这月色中

等待

下一个晨曦

一个改变的期待 :)

最近，一打开面子书和报纸，看到的都是大选的消息。这次的五月五大选，真的是马来西亚50年来最来势汹汹的一次。其实，懂我的人都知道，我真的很不喜欢政治。如果你问我，我只会回答你“无聊”两个字。不是我不关心国家大事，不是我无视他们对国家的重要性，而是明明知道他们对一个国家有多么地重要，却整天只看见他们互相责骂或浪费资源，而觉得很无聊。

人民集会，集体游行已经演变成人民向政府传达民声的管道，这话说出来，都会觉得可悲。倘若有选择，谁不想在周末的清晨呆在家，与家人享受天伦之乐，而要花时间出来与大家享受日光浴，为的只是向政府表达一个立场？一个国家，既为民主，就不应该让一党独裁。所谓的两线制，就是要承认双方的存在，保持一种互相监督的关系，让一个国家真正地繁荣。可是为什么，连这最基本的公平竞争，你也会胆怯？

说真的，我还是保持中立的一份子，国阵和民联我哪边都不会靠。不是人家所谓的我没有看清国阵有多不好，而是无论现在执政的是哪一方，你总是会有反对你的人群。没有错，现在的你可以大声地骂国政的不是，以它的不是否定了它所有的成就；如果民联上阵了，你可以确保五年或十年后，同样的事情不会发生吗？

可是，我很清楚地知道一点，当一个党羽执政了多年，它会有它的高峰期，然后它就会享受在被承认的目光里，在原地踏步，最后衰弱。这，是每一个领导者，每一个执政党羽都会面对的问题。五十年来不变的模式，哪来的突破？我的重点是，问题已经超乎了每个人都会犯错的议题。纵使我不能确认民联上阵会带来进步，也不能确认国政连任后真的会改变，但我可以确定改变是必要的。

我身边都是一群拿奖学金，日后将一起到国外升学的学生。获得了出国升学的机会，开始找寻很多国外顶尖大学的资料，开始发现很多马来西亚给不到你的机会。是的，很兴奋，很期待，但也很感慨。为什么在马来西亚，外国留学生就会被标志为高级一点的毕业生，在外国公司做工就会标志为前途无可限量？会不会有这么一天，外国人会像我们期待被录取般地期待能够进入马来西亚大学，希望能够获得在马来西亚就业的机会（莫说来大马找口饭吃的外劳）？

其实，马来西亚很好，真的很好。虽然环境渐渐地被污染，虽然我们有了第一次的小战争，可比起有天灾战争的国家，我们哪会不好？其实，我们有很多人才，真的很多。如果你认真地在世界各地做调查，你会发现很多成功人士都是马来西亚人。此地无用武之地，大材小用成了他们离弃祖国最有理的借口。倘若爱国是有未来的，倘若为国效力是有价值的，倘若大家看重的是一个人的才干，而不是其他的因素，你就会在这里发现他们的踪影了。

这个国家，还是有好的公司，在此宣扬一下赞助我们的国油公司，Petronas。我真的欣赏他们的中心思想以及爱惜人才，培育人才的作风。他人或许不知道，可是我们身为他们一小部分的都知道，它为了这个国家供应了多少。你在用着的电能，煤气及石油，若不是它没有完全顾及自己的盈利，负担了几乎一半的费用，大家还能那么安乐地享受吗？可是一个这么好的公司，容不下所有的人。

所以，这个国家的中心思想需要改变。请不要再让人才流失，白白地让其他国家得益了好吗？我不是在卖我们的价值有多高，请高薪留住我们，而是至少让大家看见属于每个人的一个价值。我想，不需要全世界最丰厚的薪水，只需要最基本的珍惜与重视，人民就会愿意为这土地留下。我的根，在马来西亚，不是在中国，将来也不会在英国，不会在新加坡。

身为大马人，有些东西我们也必须很坦然地接受。每个国家会有属于自己的身份，每个国家也会尽可能地保护自己种族的思想。身为华人，我没有要求绝对的公平，但我希望大家能够达成某种程度上的共识。马来文，我愿意学，而且我还会引以为荣，因为我懂得我国家的语言，但请别否定华文，英文和印度语文。伊斯兰教，我尊敬，我甚至和他们住在同一个屋檐下，我没问题，但请也尊敬其他种族与宗教信仰。我不是针对任何一方，只是以此为例。我只希望有一天，我不再需要填我是什么种族，是什么宗教，我的肤色不再需要被列入考量的因素。原因只有一个，因为我们都是马来西亚人。

马来西亚，不要再让人民心淡了，好吗？这一次，大家都投入了好多的希望与期待。如果改变不成，才是个真正的开始。人民不会再相信他们有那个能力去改变，因为再多的努力，似乎都战胜不了那专制。人民不会再相信有未来，因为这个未来，可能要等好多个五年，要等新一批的人就位，等新一群的热血人民重新团结。人民不再相信有前途，而都会开始转移发展的方向，因为所有的东西都会保持不变，走向国家破产的推算。这所谓的改变，重点不在于执政的党，而是整个国家的趋势与作风，都需要一个改变。

所以，拜托，请让它成了，我还要回来我祖国的 :)

爱国，

本不求国能给予你什么，

应自问你能贡献多少；

我爱国，

愿为国效力，

但我求国爱我，如我爱它，

求国惜我，如我惜它 ！

*纯属个人抒发，敬请勿当政治宣言作任何评论*

无释

有些东西，我还是习惯性地只对你说。你，听见了吗？

在不知不觉中，脑海里又浮现了我从小就开始问的问题。和平的来临，是不是只是一个永远无法实现的梦？而如果这一天的来临，是用许许多多的生命换回来的，意义，还在吗？以前，我总在想，如果一个笑容可以温暖他人的心；如果一份爱可以感化他人的人生，那怎么大家都那么地吝啬呢？

其是，现在的我也不知道如何把脑里的思绪转化为文字。我想，你知道我想问的是什么吧？昨晚，读书到闷了，就阅读了几篇最近发生的事件，心里涌现了一股很强的失落感。今天，听见了一个朋友说：不是我不替无辜死亡的人感到可怜，而是才三个人离世，比起美国所炸死的，根本不能成对比。这句话，竟然是一个从已经20岁的人口中所出的。

原来，三条生命就不是生命。原来，死亡的人数少就不值得一提。原来，因为报仇而牺牲的生命是活该。以前，我曾经写过，一条生命的价值。一条生命，还是生命，不可以因为他只是一条生命，就无法和一群人的生命相同并论。无论你是个小孩，是个大人，是个好人，穷人还是坏人，你的生命，还是生命，还是一条宝贵的生命。

原谅我，我永远不会明白。为什么为了保住地位与权利，就必须通过宣战来显示自己有多强。为什么为了扩大政权，就必须以攻打来夺取其他领域。为什么为了失去的性命报仇，眼前所见的生命都已毫无价值了。从几时开始，人，已经变得那么冷血了？大家似乎对他人的死亡产生了免疫力，已经不会再感到丝毫的怜悯。

或许你会说，是我无知。或许你会挑战我，说如果今天的我是掌权人，面对外来的威胁和攻击，我会怎么做。如果今天的我是掌权人，面对一群铁定心肠要为心爱的人报仇的人民，我会怎么做。或许你会质问我，如果今天是我的亲人被敌人一举歼灭，我还能那么坦然地在这里问那么多白痴都会答的问题吗。

我想，是你从我身上拿走了某样东西吧。不知你拿走了的是什么，可我想那肯定是为了让我变得更好的。以前的人，打战的时候都会说，为了成就国家大事，区区的几条生命算得了什么。用生命换回来的胜利，用遍布满城的血而换来的稳定，似乎只是为了惦记为国捐躯的战士们而变得有价值。这怎么也无法与愿意放下九十九只羔羊，去寻找那一只迷失的羔羊的你相比。

不是觉得可以对牺牲了的生命置之不理，而是这样的相争，到何时才能结束？一个人生命的主宰权，是在上帝的手上，而不是在人的手上。一个人，凭什么来评论他人的价值，因为没有一个人配这么做。

有时候，真的很想问你，你是生命的主宰人，那这一切的发生，都是你的旨意吗？世人都是你创造的，看见自己的孩子互相残杀，那你不就比现在的我，更伤痛百倍，对吧？如果圣经上记载末世的预言之一是国会攻打国，民会攻打民，那这一切就是早在你预料中的吗？

人类，给这些罪捆绑得很深，很深。无论是你，是我，或是他，都一样。我也是人，也根本不配去猜测你的计划究竟是什么，也无法去思想你看见我们堕落的心情是什么。但，我心中就是不断地在问着这个问题，为什么，为什么他们就不能对人仁爱，凡事包容，互相相爱？那是不是永远只是一个梦？

前路，我看不见
有着太多我无法明白的问题

但我知道

我只需要如常地信靠着你

一直

地走下去

如果你应许，

可以告诉我答案吗？

Ms Loh's Birthday ^.^

Today is our Further Maths lecturer, Ms Loh's birthday. If you have heard me saying it, among our whole batch, there are only 4 of us in the Further Maths class. I guess that's the reason why she treats us very good as its quite easy to handle us and we are like a bunch of little kids haha! She always bring food for us and share "secrets" with us, secrets that keep within us only :) Oh yea, she only gives our class angpau during Chinese New Year =X

I can say she have never scolded us, of course we do complete her homework and attend classes on time. Sometimes, we tend to lose concentration in her class, and she will stare at us, questioning us the same question, didn't I teach you about this before?! haha! Then we will show the innocent and sorry face, sorry that we have forgotten it, then she will say, I don't want to tell you, find it our yourself lol!

She has high hope in four of us. I do know that my standard is not as top as the three of them, but she will always give encouragement. I promised her, I will strive for the best for her subject. Its definitely not easy, but I'm going to take up this challenge.

No doubt that I will surely miss her a lot after A Level, she is a really good teacher. Sometimes, she is very cute, especially when she was telling us about other classes. She looks like a kid when she was complaining too, don't imagine her to be one that 大吵大闹, of course she is not like that.

That day, we spent the whole hour chatting with her, guessing her age and birthday. She didn't want to tell us as she doesn't want anyone to celebrate for her, she doesn't want to announce to the whole world that her birthday is on the particular day. But still, we have prepared a birthday card for her. We all love her a lot too!

oh yea, this is how they discriminate short people 

This is the reply from her :
Thank you all! 
I really enjoy teaching your class!
No need to "scold" to do work, can share "secrets" with, fun! :)
Have been thinking about how much I am going to miss your class when you complete your A Levels in June :(

Happy Birthday,

Ms Loh! 

Broga Hill @ 1st time :D

After so long, I have finally made my first visit to climb up the Broga Hill with him haha! We departed at around 4am because we wanted to be on time to watch the sunrise. Well~ we didn't really see it, thick mist covered most of the good views @.@

Nevertheless, it was a good one. Climbing up the hill in the dark was pretty challenging. Along the way, some people stopped at lower part of the hill, but we continued to climb until almost the highest. Initially, we wanted to climb to the highest peak, but we saw people started to come down, so we just settled at that place and set up the camera :P

A lot of people came all the way here to enjoy the good view and exercise too~

Nice view from the top :)

I learnt how to do this using a dslr camera!

Credit to the Malay couple that we met :)

And in case I will forget, there's something that I must jot down here. There were bees around and he was very afraid of bees, until he tried to hide everywhere! LOL! I know I'm bad, I'm afraid of bee too, it was a very big bee! He claimed that it was because he was stung by a bee before and he knows how pain it is haha.

Sweat a lot,

good way of releasing stress ~

Hot Air Balloon Fiesta' 13 ^.^v

There's a tv show about the guy who went to work at different places, there was once he worked as the balloonist's assistant, helping to set up the hot air balloon and driving the tourists around. After I watched that, I just had the strong feeling of wanting to have a hot air balloon ride :P

I remember I did see the advertisement of the Putrajaya Hot Air Balloon Fiesta 2013 last month, but with all the revisions, homework, trials in my mind, I totally forgot about it. Credit to Chun Kit, who reminded me of this fiesta :P If he didn't remind me of that, I think I wouldn't have been there haha.

They only allowed 300 people to have the ride for each session, and there are only morning and evening session on each day. Therefore, we needed to go early and queue for the tickets. Considering about the weather during these days and his time ( I won't go if I'm alone haha), going on a Saturday morning would be a better choice.

If you could see how I talked to him, you would know how much I wanted to go, and yea lar, it was because of me which made him wanted to go too :P Since we have already planned to go, of course I would like to be one of the 300 to go up for the ride haha. And so, we went there very very early in the morning. I think I better not to tell what time did we reach there, when I came to think back about it, we must be crazy that time lol! I can only say, the workers came at 5am and people started forming a queue by that time~

Of course, we got the tickets!! I tell you, those people are not any better than us, we were at the same level of craziness XD The others went there early in the morning too, for those who were in the queue but out of the 300 people for morning session, they continued staying in the queue and intended to wait for the evening tickets to be sold, which they would only start selling at 5pm!!

We bought 3 tickets together, one for Kyle. Sadly, Chun Kit couldn't join us as he needed to help his mum in the early morning, followed by a survey at Tropicana. Kyle came around 8am, and they went on to take a lot of pictures. I was standing at a side, watching how they set up the hot air balloon and anticipating to go up :P It went up to about a bit more than a tree's height and it could only accomodate 3-4 people at once.

Finally, it has reached our turn. I felt a bit warm as we were standing under the fire. The feeling of being up there was fun, enjoying the view of the sky and the ground. Although it did not fly like the hot air balloon at the other countries, which requires you to pay few hundred bucks for a ride, I was satisfied haha. I just wanted to get up and experience the fun of it, and under a safety condition. The day before it, my mum was telling me, "wah, you sure you dare to go up? what if it explodes like what happened in Egypt?" I was like, er..... but I still feel like trying..... =X

Got to see a lot of hot air balloon from all over the world ^^

Thank you very much for bringing me there,
accompanying me to wait throughout the whole midnight :)

 

 

With that,

I mark another new experience

in my life :)

 





Dunking session - RAC Subang's style :P

After sooooo long, RAC Subang had their dunking session today for all the December'12, January, February and March'13 babies~~ Obviously, I was one of them who kena T.T

Well, it was fun haha! A face full of cream, until I couldn't see anymore. Then, had a great bath after I went back to hostel ^.^

From before, to after, to the group pic with all :)

 

Interested in watching how we got dunked? watch this ==> Whole dunking process @.@

Creamy face,

Creamy hair,

Joyful night :D

 



学涯中的三个她

今天下午，ms sathya, KDU Pre-U's Head of Academic Department 就很突然地和我说了一段话，想把这份感触记载于此。

（我在和朋友聊天，等待着下一堂课的开始）
S   : Alicia, come here a while.
me : okay (die lor, did I do something wrong? @.@ walked to the corner...)
S   : Alicia, if you need reference or testimonial for any internship, please ask from me. I will want to write for you.
me : Har?? why out of a sudden...... (stunned)
S   : Why? because I know how much you have done for MKM, as well as the fun run. Just let me know when you need it ;)
me : oo, OK! thank you ms sathya!

对这突如其来的对话感到有点受宠若惊， 哈哈！果然，在我的每一段小学，中学及大学先修班的生涯中，都会有这么一个她。她们都是学校的女老师，皆未婚（应该）。她们，都是固执的，都是强势的，可为了学生，也是可以付出很多。

小学时候的她，是凌老师，我四年级到六年级的班主任。她不怎么跟随精武的“文化”，就是有自己做事的一套方式。她向来都很看重我，连选了我当两年的模范生，还因我选择当学长，不当她的班长而“责问”我，哈哈！犹记得，她就是那一位在SARS 期间，知道大马旅游业严重受影响后，就来问我 ：“晓靖，你家庭经济状况还好吗？如果有什么需要，记得告诉我！” 当时的我没说，其实我真的很感动。想起了在小学时期发生的好多故事，她还在我失控那段期间，不带任何条件地坚持相信我。

她，曾说，第一次看到我，就有种直觉我很特别。

当然，我的中学生涯中更是多了好多位老师来扶持我，可那一个她，还是属于 ms margaret，我的女童军老师。她，一个我对她没有爱也没有恨的人。身为一个女童军，我的确必须要很感激她为我们所付出的一切。看见她孤独作战，累得在我眼前流泪，我，难道真的不会有感觉吗？可是，也应该没有多少人知道，她在我背后所做的一切吧。她曾经一度地让我不想再回到童军那里，背着我擅自强硬地改变我的路线，让我对很多把希望投在我身上的老师和学生感到很愧疚。我，辜负了他们对我的信任与期望；她，剥夺了我自由选择的权利。如果有机会，我真的很想说，我会饮水思源，可是那泉源，并不只限此地。如果是你对我的信任不够多，或许这是我做得不够好的错，那就请不要对我说你梦见我和对不起。我尚且还小，但我会思考，我对你的袒护和真诚，多少分真假你心里有数，是你们以前所做的让我对此地产生反感吧。我选择储存就仅有，最初最纯的美好时光，还有我与一群伙伴和学妹们的回忆。（离题了=.=）

她，也曾说，我是一个特别的女孩。

到了伯乐大学，原以为在这地方平平凡凡地度过两年就是了。哪知道，还轮不到我休息，又被盯上了，最后还领了一众举办义跑。期间，发生了好多好多事情，很累。时间，很短；雨，却一再地下。大家都看见我消瘦了（好像是一件好事 XD）。Miss Sathya 是直接管理我们的老师，她，很严，要求很高。我，在责骂中成长了。有一次，她对我一人说，有什么需要帮忙就告诉她，如果她无法当我们的依靠，那这职位就不需要由她来任职了。可我还可以从她身上要求什么呢，那段期间，她也必须独自和病魔战斗。

三个女人，三个故事，三分扶持，三行泪水。她们三人，给了我不同的启蒙，也让我更为刚强，继续往前走。

我记得祢说过，祢是不会让我一个人独自作战的。祢说，我的人生不会一帆风顺，必会经历百般挫折的测试。我的人生，是其他人无法走的，因为这是祢给各个世人独特的安排。祢必不叫我受试探过于我所能受的，所以今天，我还屹立于此。犯错了，祢会对我小惩大戒；做对的，无论世人如何阻挡，祢仍然会给我意外的奖赏。

祢的恩典，如繁星般数不清 :)

我在想，

大学的时候，

会不会也是有这么一个她？

RAC Subang Medical Camp 2.0 :)

This morning, I went to Puchong for the Medical Camp 2.0 together with my fellow Rotaract Club (RAC) of Subang members. Last year, we have organised one for the Myanmar Refugees Children at Tesco, so this was our second time. This project is meaningful and it actually helps the children a lot.

These bunch of kids have to leave their own country due to the country's political conflict and unstable economy, so they normally travel to different countries including Malaysia and US, under the care of UNHCR. As in Malaysia, the reason why they are known as refugees is because of the government does not recognize them, so that's where some non-profit organizations come in to help them, such as Shelter Home and Rotary, providing them with shelter, basic necessities as well as a place for education.

So, early in the morning, Aaron fetched me to the meeting place to take goodie bags that we have packed for them. Then, we departed to their school to set up everything. We did dental check up, basic body check up, basic eye sight check and personal hygiene demonstration for them. Initially, I was assigned to duty at the GP (General Practitioner) station, then I was transferred to the other side to help to look after the kids. Until the second dentist has came, my task was set to be her nurse - a dentist nurse XD

I never know what do I need to do as her nurse or even how to "draw" some patterns on those "boxes". I only remember when I was having dental check up during primary school, the dentist used to draw some lines and some circles on those rows of boxes which I could never get what those mean. Today, I finally could understand what they mean. She taught me once before she left me doing it myself while she was doing the check up. She was going faster and faster, I had to be very concentrate in order to catch what she said. She said I'm intelligent as I learnt very fast, can consider applying a part time job as a nurse hahaha!

Those boxes stand for your teeth for upper jaw and lower jaw, left side and right side. Then, the dentist will check your tooth one by one, alphabet stands for baby tooth and number stands for adult tooth. From there, the dentist will know the growth of your teeth, then they will compare it with your age to determine whether your teeth are growing on the right "pace". They have different signs to represent teeth that need to be pulled out or need filling, and also the sign to record holes between teeth.

Throughout the medical camp, those kids really did behave well. Those who are elder, like 10-13 years old, they would take care of those younger one, lead them and ensure that they stay in a group. When I was helping the dentist, there was a little girl holding her younger sister's hand, then she led her sister to sit on the dental chair, told her to open her mouth and accompanied her throughout the whole process. This little thing that she did touched the bottom of my heart.

The girl was only 9 years old, see what most of the Malaysian kids are doing when they are at the age of 9, holding their parents tight when they visit the dentist? These bunch of kids, they do not usually have the chance to live with their parents. They are not orphans, but their parents are working hard out there, either in local, Myanmar or other countries. What left with them are teachers, those brothers and sisters around them. They have a very strong sense of caring towards each other, even though they are not from the same family. If and only if they are as fortunate as us, having to grow under the love and protection by our parents and have a proper education, they will be a bunch of good future leaders.

In Malaysia, a lot of big organizations will not choose to help these bunch of kids as they claim that why are we not helping our own Malaysian kids first. But I would like to say, a life is a life, it makes no difference between the future of a Myanmar kid and the future of a Malaysian kid, they are still the same. I do understand that to a certain extent, people will tend to leave the best for their own people, but still there are others who need us too.

All in all, the medical camp was a great success, a big thanks to the organizers and those who helped out throughout the whole process. May God bless the future of these children, take care of their journey ahead of them. Please lend Your great hand and lead them throughout hard times, make them stronger and more resilient. May these children remember how much have they went through together, hold tightly to their friendship and do not lose the sense of caring, that's the gift from the God ;)

It reminds me of Peter Biak, a 16 years old Myanmar teenager that I met during Medical Camp 1.0. Sometimes, he would text me and chat with me before he flew to US (I think he is there now). He once told me that he misses his parents and brother a lot. They are working out there and he only got to see them once after a long time. He promised me to study hard, so that his parents do not need to worry about him and he will have the ability to take care of them next time. A 16 years old guy, he has a will, a will to stay with his own family and no longer being called as a refugee.

Time to reflect on yourself, 

the society is calling for your help,

what can you offer? 

FGA PJY BBQ~

Today, I attended the BBQ session organised by FGA PJY. Hmm...... second time joining their activities after the trip to Gua Tempurung? haha! This time, Yusong invited Seng Yew to join us too, it was because SY once told YS to invite him to their camps and activities.

I went to their youth session in the afternoon, then followed them to go to Claudia's parents' house directly. Sengyew was already there when I reached, another meet up with old friend~ Looking at those people who set up the fire, my brain started to flash back those moments when we, a bunch of Girl Guides, used to gather at a dark corner (because the school do not on the light =.=), set up the fire and have our BBQ session. We could not see whether the food was fully cooked, so we used to eat a lot of "burned" food. The time when we were together was really fun, even with the dirty face and hands, and a strong smell on our clothes.

Seng Yew chatted a lot with Yu Song and I. He was so excited when he told us the story of his trip to Taiwan. Although he was mad at some of the parts due to someone, but I could tell he did enjoy a lot during the trip, especially when he said he wanted to live in the Watson in Taiwan LOL! For me, he did not change that much, still the same person as he was in high school. Nice to chat with, and a caring person.

Tonight was a great one too, good food, good people, good fellowship. Esther and Xin Ying purposely prepared half melted mash mellow for me, aunty JieLi was taking food for me too, not to forget about him who cooked the chicken wing for me when I said I wanted to it. They treated me really good. Being with them, I do need to worry that I got nothing to eat, they will surely feed me with lots of food until I say stop haha. We had worship session and games, and ice-cream at the end of the night :P

Cannot eat any more than this already @.@