我的 20 岁生日 =D

就这样，不知不觉中踏入了我20岁的第一天。时间，悄悄地从大家的身边流逝了~ 我，竟然已经20岁了？

就在20岁前的一个小时半，他约了我出去，说要帮我倒数。哪知道，我出去不到10分钟，dayana 就发两封简讯给我，问我几时会回去，说要替她买面包。过了不久，Min Wen 和 Lian 也先后拨电给我，说要玩麻将。这样以来，其实已经很明显他们要我回去，然后帮我庆祝了 :P 看着正坐我对面的他，笑了笑。他让我在晚上11.30的时候回去了，哈哈。半途中，还不忘了停下来，让我闭上眼睛，给了我20岁第一个蛋糕 ;)　

回到宿舍后，边等着他们来“接”我过去玩，就躺在床上按电话咯。哪知道12 点时，我的房门开了（我忘了把钥匙拿进来 =.=）。外面站了好多人，一个蛋糕在我面前，耳边也响起了生日歌。他们这一群人啊，还特地为了来帮我庆祝而不睡觉~ 他们说，本让dayana 看着我，不让我出去的。而我竟然恰巧在她祈祷的时候走出去了，害他们一时不知所措，只好打电话让我回来。结果，他们说下一次绝对不要帮住这一带的人庆祝生日了，因为他们都会和自己朋友庆祝 ;P 

我的第2个蛋糕，是芒果口味的，哈哈！那一只可爱的小狗，比我脚还长哦！想想，这一群朋友还真的是大牌咯，人已经在外面了，还要赶回来，把第一刻让给他们~　不过，我真的很感激他们的那一份心意。他们，真的对我很好。在正12 点时，还收到了 Mr Oo （我们的 hostel guardian 和老师）的祝福，觉得特别有意思。"I knocked at Heaven Door. God asked, 'What is your wish of today?' I said, 'Please protect, love and bless the one reading this message.' God smiled and replied,'Granted.' Happy Birthday Alicia" 他，是另外一位对我蛮好的老师，他每次都会说见到一个 happy go lucky，那么开朗的我，自己都会开心，哈哈哈哈！

第二天放学后，又给他抓了出去庆祝 :P 走走了一下，收了礼物一下，还吃了一顿丰富的晚餐~ 谢谢你为我准备了那么多 :)

收了来自各地的朋友的祝福，感觉到今年生日是祝福满满的！之后回家还可以去找朋友领礼物呢，哈哈哈~ 还有，妈妈还特地打电话给我祝我生日快乐咧 ^.^

还有，在几天前收到了这个，好漂亮啊！

又长大了一年了，该为自己设立今年的目标。20岁的时候，应该尝试更多未曾做的事情，挑战自己，让自己达到更高的境界。

最后的最后，今天我真的很开心！来自你们的祝福，我都收下了，并度过另一个满怀祝福的20岁~

一个20岁，

一个全新的脚步 ;)

SPO Concert :)

Today I went to the SPO Concert (Selangor Philharmonic Orchestra) with him =) It was held at the Sivic Hall, PJ. I still remember the first time I went to this similar kind of orchestra was during Form 3. I went with Teng to support his brother's friend, as well as my friend, Tjia Wei. If I'm not wrong, these two performances are of the same group.

As usual, most of the people who performed are CHS-ians, you could easily notice it when you see the whole hall was filled up with most of the CHS-ians. In addition, the chairman for it was Mun Chung, so there were a lot of helpers from CHS including Wei Liang haha.

The performance was great. But somehow I will still prefer band concert, still miss my dear clarinet a lot >.<

Then, I had a short time meet up with Zhi Min, have not been seeing her for such a long time~ And she brought me green tea flavour KitKat, biscuit and a little gift from Japan + her Physics notes. Thank you!! :D

Last but not least, another great night spent with him LOL 

(I know i'm short :P)

If i will ever have a chance 

to play musical instrument again .... :)

Happy Birthday Lian =D

Lian Zhen Xiang, a friend that I have known since I stepped into KDU University College. I still remember on the first day I came to KDU, I saw him sitting with his parents and friends, unlike me who came alone :P He is a Petronas scholar too, will be studying Chemical Engineer in UK.

I guess the time when we started to get closer to each other was the time when the gang of four was formed. Lian, John, Min Wen and I - the Further Maths gang. Among the whole batch of July intake, be it scholars or private students, there are only 4 of us who choose to take up Further Maths haha. Since then, we always go in a group as our timetable is different from others. We have lunch, dinner, exercise, movies, and lots of fun together including going to Penang after MKM.

And so, today is his 20th birthday, he is the big brother among us a.k.a the oldest guy =P Last year, we didn't get to celebrate for him as it was during Chinese New Year. Early in the morning, we went to Sunway Pyramid. There was a giant bahtera at the centre of the mall, reminding us about the bahtera that four of us built for our event. Then we went for Mc D breakfast and shopped around the mall. We also went to Kim Gary for our lunch (his likes the cheese baked rice a lot). We didn't have much time there as I need to go for my Rotaract meeting and they wanted to go back with me.

After I came back from meeting, I went to the gym with him. We were planning to ask him out for dinner and celebrate for him with those who were still in Sterling. Who knows it rained heavily since 7pm and we didn't get to go out. Then, we gathered outside his unit and and went in as a group, together with a cake and his birthday present - a jacket. Actually, he has already knew what were we going to give him, just that he didn't expect that there will be a cake =P

That's him with his birthday present =D

Honestly, I really appreciate him as a friend. He was different from how he was as the head prefect in high school, so we always bully him (he's not any better than us =P). As the January baby, the one who plays a big part in family, the one who held important roles in high school and the Chinese among Petronas scholars (not trying to be racist), there is a certain level of similarity between us, in our thoughts and what we do. We are not like those best friends who always share their secrets with each other, we don't have the so called heart to heart talk, we are only bullying each other, teasing each other, helping each other and playing like a bunch of crazy people.

His is good in mechanics, a typical science student, glad to have him to teach me how to see and solve those questions with motion and direction. He always complain (well, its just for the fun of gossiping about others), but he will never leave when you need help. Despite how much he says that he doesn't want to do, when you give him the task, he will still complete it well.

On this last birthday celebrated in Malaysia before we fly, I wish that you have a great year ahead, full with joy and blessings. Besides, hope that you will get into Imperial and succeed in your body building plan =P

Glad to have you as my friend =D

如果这是祢所安排的

                                                      我愿意接受。。。

是的，重考的成绩出来了。半年前，看到成绩的时候，的确不知道该给予什么反应。没有想过会考好的econ, 竟然比想像中好那么多，拿了个87 回来。向来没有拿 B 的 physics，却大不如前地拿了个 72 ，对比似乎真的很大。

选择了重考，一直等到今天，再度看到成绩的时候，是个 A 了。。。 我想，我应该要笑，要开心的，可是怎么样都好像无法真的开心起来。或许82 对其他人来说，已经算很好了。而比起从前的进步，好像应该要满足的了，可我还是觉得分数有点低。如果我可以再考好一点，那么 A2 的时候拿 A 的几率就可以比较高了。

没有错，看到成绩的时候，第一个反应就是：怎么办？A2 的时候我会担心丢失了这个 A。到了这分界线的边缘，结果究竟会是好还是坏，真的是个未知数，而我正是不喜欢这种前后不定的感觉。不是害怕接受，而是明知道可以做得更好，我却让自己处于这种处境。

主啊，祢知道我真的在努力让自己的成绩可以像他们的那么标青，祢知道我需要这漂亮的成绩让我获得我想要进的大学的入学机会。我都在等，等待伦敦大学开始发出电邮。这几天似乎已经开始有点动静了，我那间大学也在发着拒绝的电邮了。如今，每一天上网的时候总会多了一丝紧张的心情，也会多了那少少的期盼。他说，如果祷告只是一味地求祢把我们想要的给我们，是不公平的。如果要求，应该要看那结果是不是蒙祢喜悦的，而获得了以后，又可以为祢做些什么。

我本没有那个机会出国留学，祢却把那么好的奖学金给了我。除了减轻我父母极大的负担，祢让我看见一个不一样的路程，经历不一样的挑战。我本没有那个素质，祢却把我置于一群成绩非凡的他们当中，祢让我看见我已经遗忘了的自己。一个只要肯下功夫，绝不会逊于他人的自己；一个总认为成绩不过是一张纸，却坚持把成绩和活动并兼的自己。你让我知道，我可以做到比我自己想像中更好。只要我肯努力，对，只要我愿意再努力多一些，我一定可以做得到。

对不起，是我不够努力。祢比我更了解什么对我最好，祢信任我可以在这一条路上发光发热，所以才把我放在这里，让大家看见祢是多么地恩待我。如果可以，我希望可以进到那一间大学。我答应，我一定会比现在更好，比现在更为优越。我要让大家知道，祢没有看错人；让大家一起见证祢如何让我因祢变的更为茁壮，见证我父母多么有才能，栽培出一个对社会有贡献的人。

我依然在等待，

等待祢给我的安排，

等待祢答应给我的惊喜  :)

捐血记

算一算，这是我第3次捐血了，哈哈！

今天，他心血来潮，抓我到 KPJ 去捐血，还要是没有问过那间医院的情况下就过去了。和他家人吃了早餐后，变到医院去了。我想，这是我第一次到这里来吧。走着走着，竟然看到墙壁上贴着捐血活动的海报。原来刚巧他们有举办捐血活动咧！不然，如果我们在平日来，他们是没有接受捐血的。

来到了现场，虽然明知道捐血不会痛，可是看见那么多血，的确是有点害怕的。带着怕见血，怕痛的心情，填了表格，走了上前。验血的时候，那马来女士问我是不是第一次所以很害怕，我说第三次了，可是怕见血，她就让我不要看 =P 还有，他竟然比我更害怕验血的那一针，直喊痛的哈哈哈哈！

就如往常般，一切检验正常，手续办妥后，便坐上椅子准备捐血。也如上一次般，那护士说，我的血脉很小。唯一不同的是，当血流到一半的时候，那护士竟然来到我身旁，动这个动那个的。然后，她竟然拿着那个针转了几下，再插得更深，再转。。。天啊，我的心情可想而知吧？@.@

捐了血后，有点兴奋，在那里走来走去，在椅子爬上爬下的。结果就是，后果自负咯 :( 眼前突然变得模糊，脑内就像电脑关机一样失去了意识。我只听到他叫工作人员来，我躺了在那椅子上，然后工作人员让我把那100号喝完 （可是最后还是没有喝完）。想想，这是我第一次晕倒吧~ 那种感觉和我平常头晕不一样，心里多多少少有些成就感 =.=

捐血完毕了，希望可以帮助到其他人吧~ 他需要到教会去，我说想要自己去走街，他却不允许。本来还想回去了，就看看能不能自己走出去。哪知道到了宿舍的时候，雨，下了。

我知道，那是祢,

是祢特地不要让我出去的 =P

细听民声

在把部落格从wordpress 搬到来 blogspot 的时候，偶然发现了之前写的一篇文章竟然被人家分享了。 标题为 “一个马来西亚？” ，那是一篇我17岁时笔下的作品。读回去的时候，还真的是很长，呵呵。没有错，里面蕴藏了一股傲气。与其说是傲气，不如说是我百思不解，不解这个国家团结的那一天，是否只是一个小孩子的憧憬？

大选又要来临了，报纸又开始变得乏味了。翻开报纸的每一页，总会有政府，民联，112，总检察长，部长之类的。。。报纸的报道，难道除了政治，就没有更为有意义的报导了吗？人家说，国家政治是国民不能不通晓的，因为有国方有家，国家的兴亡，牵连着我们每一个人的未来。可是，当报纸，新闻，网络都堆满了各方的互相指责，成为了大家宣传和宣战平台的时候，那让人民获得各地资讯的平台，是否已经被滥用了呢？

我承认，我对这国家的政治不感任何的兴趣，不是因为我对这个国家不闻不问，而是我觉得很无聊。恕我在两年后的今天，依然没有长大，依然抱有同样的期盼，期待着和平的来临。或许，让我活足一世，这一天都不会来临的，对吧？这一个本属民主的国家，似乎已经成为了一个少数权贵弄权的地方。所谓的民主，所谓的一个马来西亚，所谓的互相尊敬，互相帮助，难道只是站在那里，说几句话，拍张照片登报纸罢了吗？

我想说的是，这个国家需要国政和民联的并存，少了哪一方都不行。这就像在一个家，你需要一个爸爸和一个妈妈，当爸爸做得不好或是管教严厉，妈妈就会补充那方面的不足，如此一个家才能完整。这也好比在一个学会，如果主席是当机立断，处事严绝，那副主席就会是顾虑小细节，亲近人心的，如此方能有个平衡，方能坚固内外。这简单的道理，难道真的那么难明白吗？

报纸上或是集会的时候，大家都会互相收集证据指责对方，削弱对方的气势。这一些，无论是无中生有，或是真凭实据，都已经不再是重点了。大家似乎已经习惯了活在这样的环境下，均把这一切当做耳边风，根本不理会。古人在《大学》中有云，欲治其国者；先齐其家；欲齐其家者，先修其身；欲修其身者，先正其心；欲正其心者，先诚其意；欲诚其意者，先致其知；致知在格物。欲治这国家的人，很多；但是正其心的，有多少呢？我意不在指责政治人物的不是，人活在这个世界上，皆会有罪，有谁能够真的摆脱自己心中的贪念与私念呢？但正因为大家都会犯错，才会需要对方的提醒，需要对方的监督。这才是双方存在的真正价值。

马来西亚虽说是个民主国家，但说穿了，还不只是由那一群政治人物来统领。他们的一句话，足以概括全民之声，足以代表全民之意。所以，大家都说要推选一个真正的领袖，一个好的党羽，一群好的代言人。正因如此，每逢大选期，各方都会举牌招票，当中所耗资的资源多不胜数。认真地想想，倘若这些资源都可以用在有需要的人身上，而不是党员的集会，招票的聚餐，该有多好？

当街头已经成为人民的堡垒，群体集会已经成为人民唯一示威的时候，亲爱的掌权人，你们愿不愿意停下来，聆听一下民声呢？你或许会认为他们是自找麻烦，无中生有，是政治人物的竞选谋略，但请你们记住，我们的人民有多好。当多个国家都以暴力来抗议和示威，我国人民做的就只是和平的集会。千辛万苦地步行，招人，提出方案，究竟是为了什么，是自己的一份私念，还是对这个国家的关心？你可以无视政治人物的互相损各方的名义，但可不要轻视人民的一番苦心。倘若大家都已经不管了，就不会浪费时间，浪费力气和你们抗争，早都迁离此地了。

要做个好人都已经很难了，要管理一个家更难，那统治一个国家，谈何容易？我，不喜欢群众集会，不喜欢示威，不喜欢他们招票的策略。人民需要一个群众的集会，方能争取政府的一丝关注，这，难道不可悲吗？除了千里迢迢来到聚集地，还要忍受热烈的太阳，还要忍受因小人挑拨而引起的民警之争，何苦呢？而如果政府愿意听，大家就不必那么辛苦了。没有错，很多人都会有要求很多，那么多的要求该如何来满足全部。所以很多时候，政府都认为自己做的已经是对人民最好的了，如果还要顾及那么多，就会没完没了。可是，我想身为掌权人，你们可不可以就花多一点点时间，来听一听那些有建设性的建议。忠言逆耳，你们可不能一律置之不理。

从小，我们就有读历史，有看古人的戏。以前，所谓的太平，所谓的改朝换代，都是以数不清的人命换回来的。鲜血布满了全城，人民叫苦连天，不知伤痛了多久，方能换得一丝平安，然后不久后又得归天了。我们反复地阅读不少前例，本该学习到更多，不是吗？和平，不应该用鲜血来交换；繁荣，不应该用人命来做赌注。

还是一句老话，马来西亚已经有一个很好的地势，甚少遭受灾难。如今，气候的转变已经慢慢地侵略我们这优势，如果君民没一心，那一个马来西亚，就会成为很多个马来西亚了 =.= 

我虽不从政，不了解政治，可我确实爱国，也爱民。我虽看不见你们互相宣战背后的目的，可我看得见子民的奋斗与焦虑。我年纪虽小，经验尚浅，可我知道能够不耻下问，分辨是非，对事不对人的，方是治国之才！

Dear Malaysia, do you hear the people sing?　

爸，生日快乐 :')

- 14/1/2013

2013年1月14日，爸，你59岁了哦！如果是根据华人的算法，这一年便是你的60大寿了 :D

前天，和妈妈去逛街，也陪她看了“大上海”这部戏。当然，还是没忘了给你买一份礼物 ^^ 早上起来的时候，我有注意到你的腰带已经旧了，所以今年就决定给你送上一个新的腰带。我还买了一张卡片，回到家的时候，便让哥哥和弟弟写上他们的名字。从以前到现在，我们三个总是甚少一起送上礼物的。今年，我只想在你收到卡片的时候，上面都概括了我们三个的心意，好让你知道我们每一个都没有忘记你的生日。

到了宿舍，我在下车之前把礼物交了给你，还叮嘱你一定要到了14 日的这天才可以拆开来，哈哈！

卡中，简略地写了好多我想说对你说的话。爸，生日快乐。我祝你身体健康，天天快乐。在接下来的3年内，我无法陪在你身边过生日了，对不起。谢谢你在这20年内辛辛苦苦地把我抚育成人，如果我曾经让你生气或伤心（我知道一定有），请你原谅我，好吗？

还有，爸，请你务必好好地照顾你的健康。我知道你有时候一定还是有抽烟的，对吧？可以真正地把它戒掉吗？你知不知道，你进医院的那段时间，我不断地告诉自己要坚强。看着一群女人围在一起为了正动手术的丈夫哭泣，我的心真的很酸。我没有哭，但是我知道我不可以没有你。我无能，没有你，我会坚持不下去。纵使我曾经是多么地不乖，你知道我还是爱你的。当你每一次说你没有剩下多少时间了，或是反正做了手术十年内一定会归天之类的话，我都保持沉默。我好想回答你说，不要，请等我好吗？我想，如果我放弃出国读书，陪伴在你的身边，可好吗？

爸，请再给我4年时间，好吗？四年后，我保证我会让你享有美好的生活。你不再需要为这个家庭担心，为这个家奔波。四年后，我会代你扛起这个家的重担。到时候，就让我来照顾你们，正如你们对我不离不弃至今般，我会把所有最好的都给你们。说穿了，都只是因为我不够强。当大考越来越接近，我无法继续做工，然后替你们分忧。我能够做的，就只是在之前每一个月给你们一些钱，过生日的时候给你们买新的电话，请你们吃饭，却始终无法养活全家。这都是我不好，我说我有多想照顾你们，多爱你们，我却已经离开这个家一年半，然后再离开你们多三年 :(

但是，请你们相信，无论我身在何处，我的心牵挂的，都是你们。我真的会担心，我真的害怕，在我离开的这段日子，万一发生了什么事，该怎么办？所以，请你们也坚持下去。就算我不在国内，我还是可以工作，然后把钱寄回来。至于弟弟，我相信他在公教里必定能够成才的。所以，就多4年，等我多4年，好吗？

当我下个星期回家的时候，

我想看到你穿新的腰带，

好吗？ :P

废寝不忘食 :P

连续一个星期的考试，真的有点儿折磨。虽然我们都有将近一个月的假期，可想想，那可是我们最后一个年尾的假期了，谁又甘愿乖乖去读书呢？>.< 所以，当考试日期越来越接近，大家只能拼命地读，熬夜更不用说了。

我每一天晚上大概两点睡，然后四五点起身，有点离谱吧？哈哈。没有办法咯，只能怪自己资质不比他人好，又没有提早准备。可在这废寝的当儿，我可没有忽略自己的饮食~ 正确来说，我没有什么吃正餐，可是却没有少掉宵夜来为我提神，这都归功于每天晚上为我送外卖的小子 XD　

瞧这个 ^^

以前，我根本没有想过要读 A-level 的，因为都没有钱出国。但自从得了奖学金，和一群读书人在一起之后，读书，成了我不可不完成的使命。我固然还是没有 100% 投入，可是却比以前努力了很多。成绩处于中上，可我还是觉得不好，或许是我对自己要求高；也或许是和我同一起的其他三个，他们的成绩真的真的很好。如果他们可以在娱乐之余，却又可以自我提升和顾及成绩，那我还有什么好说呢? 他们既然已经办到了，那么我也是可以的！

在考 further statistics 之前，我连续花了6-7 个小时不停地读，直到凌晨3点。虽然很累，可是我真的很开心，因为我把所有的纲要都写下来的，一共14面。以后的考试呢，我读这14面就行了 :)

我，只会越来越好！

我，想家了。。。

时间真的过得好快。。。转眼间，我已经离家一年半了。我虽称得上独立，可是想家的心还是日渐益增的。

以前的我，很不孝。与其说不孝，我想叛逆用在我身上，会更为贴切。我无法接受他们的方式，我反抗，我辩驳。以前曾经多么想逃脱的地方，如今我却迫不及待地想归去，可笑吧？人，长大了，懂事了，开始知道自己对这个家有多么地惦念。直到我渐渐发觉自己对这个家的责任，发现他们其实很需要我，才知道我必须更加坚强，更加努力。

其实，我承认水瓶座的宝宝的确容易哭，可我哭的缘由都来自于我对他们那厚厚地爱。那一份情，是怎么也斩不断的。所以，只有对着他们，我才会不堪一击。人家说，不爱，哪来的伤恨，对吧？

如果可以，我多么希望我可以在家，守护着他们每一个。如果可以，我多么希望我可以补偿他们每一个心灵的空缺。如果可以，我多么希望我可以伴他们度过每一分每一秒。如果可以，我多么希望我有那个能力扛起这个家，让大家都可以过着舒适的生活。如果可以，我多么希望他们每一天都健康，每一刻都开心。如果可以有如果，我多么希望我现在就在家里。

凌老师曾经对我这么说 ：“ 晓靖，你并不需要这么做的，懂吗？他们必须要独立，他们必须要懂得怎么维持这个家，照顾自己。你还是学生，你的责任是读好书，不要去担心他们，让他们自己解决问题。不要把一切的责任都往自己身上扛，知道吗？” 我想说，老师，我做不到，我真的做不到。他们已经把我抚育了将近20年。虽然他们没有很知书识礼，没有很富有，可是如果没有他们，我不会站在这里了。纵使多么地辛苦，我也会尽我所能，给他们最好的。如果只是牺牲我自己的娱乐，让我自己承受多一点，而让他们舒适一点，我愿意 :)

爸，妈，

我想每一个晚上都吃你们煮的饭菜，

可以吗？

5201314? XD

听说今天是星期5, 然后 2013年1月4日对吧？这就恰巧组成了 5201314 - 我爱你一生一世，哈哈！

一大清早，打开面子书看到的，全是朋友们关于这一个特别日子的话题。或许对某些人来说，这也不过只是一个平凡的日子；而对另外一些人来说，这是个非常特别且值得特别庆祝的一天。对我来说呢，就是一个要读书的日子 T.T 

他说，哎呀，不管是什么日子，都是爱你的拉，哈哈哈！结果，吃宵夜的时候，在这一天结束之前自拍了一下 =P 

如果哪一天看回去，

一定会很好笑 XD    

The little boy :D

Unlike previous years, there is no post from me for countdown and new year outing this year, because exam is really soon...... 4 days to go :(  Sometimes, i do feel tired of studying A-Level especially in KDU haha. There's no semester break and the only break during the year end is for the preparation of exam when classes resume. We don't even have holidays after our external exams~ Thank God we do have a week of holidays during CNY, Raya and once in a while, we do have break during KDU's events like graduation and after our projects :P

Well, what makes me to be here? Its my younger brother, the little boy in my house :D My mum just called me, she was asking why didn't I call my brother when it was his first day in high school today lol! Then she told me that my brother has been chosen as the Ketua Tingkatan (monitor) of 1A4. Yea, he entered A class and the class which I was in. Before I came back to hostel, I did tell him to try to be one of the class's AJK, so that he can also be in the Lembaga Ketua Tingkatan at the same time. Surprisingly, he really raised up his hand when the class teacher was choosing AJK. He got higher votes than another girl who volunteered to become an AJK too, and so, he was chosen.

I really feel glad to hear that, it cheers me up and motivates me to work hard for where I want to be. Above that, I thank God for listening and answering to my prayers. I prayed that his application to transfer school would be permitted and he got it. I prayed that he would be fortunate enough to get into A class with the results of 6A in UPSR and he entered 1A4. There is nothing wrong to be in B class or C class, it's just that I know for the fact that my brother will be easily influenced by the people around him.  If he was not that playful and spent most of the time to play computer games with his friends, he would have gotten a better trial results and wouldn't have to go through the process of transferring school. And if he got into B class or C class, he might be worse off. It's hard to be the one out of ten who will actually pay attention in the class, study hard and behave well among young boys. Whether it's good or bad, it truly depends on how one thinks but I do hope for the best for him.

This little boy, one who is 7 years younger than me. He came to this family while I was only 7, the year which my family started to have a car, the year when everything was great. He is the youngest among all, he is supposed to be the one we love and care the most. My parents take a very good care of him . But as the financial condition of our family becoming worse and communication in the family becoming less, honestly he is the most innocent victim out of all. My mum was always at home when we were young and now, both of my parents are working; my elder brother no longer talk to him after their fight few years back. During a lot of times, he was alone and what could he do was just facing the computer. For all that happened to me, at least I have grown up to be an adult now (sounds old), but he is still at a young teenager age.

I do admit that I am not a good sister to him, I did not play my role well in guiding him and taking care of him. I might be a role model for him as a person, but I don't think that I enabled him to feel the love of a family. Until the day I heard from my mum that how his teacher treated him (for asking him to be the Assistant Monitor during year end when he was the Monitor just because of the teacher wanted the A.M to be the model student of their class); the day when my parents called me a few times, asking me to help him to transfer school as he was sent to SMK Bukit Bintang; the day when I went home and noticed that he was crying alone in the bathroom as he took about an hour to shower, I realized that he needs me, he needs my guidance and care. If he was the only child or the eldest son, he will have to go through all these alone. But for he has me and my elder brother, I carry a heavy responsibility to look after him especially when I myself understand the feeling of having no siblings although I do have them.

Until that point of time, I have already left home about 2 years and I will not be by his side for the following 3 years. I can never give him enough as I will not be there while he needs me the most. These few years will be a very important period of his life in determining who he wants to be and where he ends up to be. I feel sorry and guilty, and all that I can do now is giving him as much as I can. I do hope that he knows how much my parents love him. They took leaves and accompanied him to different places just to make sure that he got into a good school. I still remember the scene when my mum who doesn't speak well in Chinese talking to the headmaster of CHS :) May all these remain in his memory and remind him from time to time that no one cares him and loves him as much as our parents do.

I'm glad that it's not too late to notice all these little things. Now I'm like the one who my parents will seek for opinions when they want to make a decision and one who my brother refers to. If you could see me just now, you would know how happy I was to hear that my brother became the Ketua Tingkatan. I feel grateful that he listened to me and gave it a try, what's more than that was his courage to raise up his hand and volunteered himself. It will be a great start of his secondary life ;)

Dear God, what I can do is limited. May You be by his side, lead him throughout this journey like how You are leading me. I know that its You who want him to go through all these like how You have done that for me to make me stronger. I wish that he will meet some good friends and seniors who will offer help when he needs, teach him and guide him to be a better person. Then, he will become one who will be able and willing to help others. May his future be full of joy and blessings. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen! :D

I do believe that one day,

you will surely become a bright star and shine :)