撩迹

似曾相识的身影
挣脱黑暗
牵引着回忆的枷锁
月色   洒了满地
何去，何从
若来，何受

蹒跚向前
历来风雨往肩担
俄而雪骤固留步
心中热血从未止

天离地有多高
东离西有多远
非吾所晓
等等待待
奈何信中带无奈。。。

圆月，月圆

多少试验梦方圆

醉酒，酒醉

晨曦梦醒谁自醉？

OBS 2013 :)

So, I survived at OBS :D

After 5 days of theories at BTN, we went to OBS for 7 days, from 23rd to 29th of June. Before this, I have never heard of OBS until I got to know that Petronas will be sending their scholars there. Outward Bound School, a place to train and challenge people at different age, mentally and physically. Since primary school, I enjoy camping and participating in outdoor activities, mostly on land. This camp had given me different kind of exposure and of course, it would be the once in our life time, for all 57 Petronas scholars who went.

During first few days, we had to change our programme accordingly due to the high air pollution index. Initially, we should be going for land and sea expedition, jungle trekking up and down 3 peaks at Pangkor Island and kayaking around the Pangkor Island. Unfortunately, the haze was not gone until it rained on the third day, we only had enough time for one and they have chosen the sea expedition. When the API was still high, Petronas did ask us to vote whether we would like to stay there or go home. I personally voted to stay, as it would have been wasted if we chose to go home when we haven't even complete the programme. At the end of the day, majority won, and we stayed, I'm glad that we have made the right choice :)

On the first day, all our food, books and electronic gadgets were kept by instructors. Then, it was some introduction session to enable us to know each other better. I was in the group Yong Belar, "Yong" is actually mountain in Orang Asli's language, so my group is Gunung Belar. We had 15 group members, our instructor was Mr Firdaus, After we had introduced ourselves, he shared with us about how did he come to become an instructor at OB Malaysia. We were quite surprised to hear that he graduated from a degree in culinary arts. Along the path in searching for the most suitable occupation, he worked in a hotel, as a customer service at Astro, attended an interview to become a fire fighter and at the end, an OB instructor. He also shared with us how he went through the test in becoming an instructor, where he capsized 3 times during kayaking, building the solo tent like a "kenduri" style etc, and still, he did not choose to give up. His determination in achieving success is something that we should learn.

Abang Firdaus, Me and Syn Yee

On the second and third day, we went for a small scale jungle trekking. We also learnt how to kayak, my partner was Harvard (yes, his name is Harvard and he will be studying in the US lol!). We were taught how to forward, backward, long turn, sharp turn as well as the thing that I dislike the most, capsize and what to do after that. Most of the people knows that I can't swim, I'm afraid of being in water and not touching the bottom -.- However, everyone had to do it and I did it as well, it was like counting 1, 2, 3 and capsized, and came out from the boat and swim up. Sounds simple? But I don't like lol! 

Then, we had some indoor games, rope climbing and rock climbing. Nothing much about these, but I really want to compliment Syiqin for being so brave and not giving up. She is seriously afraid of height, she cried while she was halfway climbing up the rope, then our instructor had to let her down. During the rock climbing which was much more harder than the rope activity, she decided to give it a try. Halfway up the wall, she struggled and cried too, but this time she didn't let go. Together with the supports and cheers from instructors and participants, she made it to the top! Bravo Syiqin! 

Besides, we had raft building too. All 4 groups were to build a raft that can support all the members and compete with each other on the sea to reach the destination. It was not too hard for our group, we had some people who knew how to tie a knot and a bunch of guys who contributed their strength. On the way moving forward, our group was the second, then we made a quick and nice sharp turn to go back to the starting point which made us the champion :P It was fun sitting on the raft that we built ourselves, shouting One Two, One Two and kicking water at the same time haha. 

Yong Belar with our raft! ^.^ v

On the fourth day, we could finally see Pangkor Island from Lumut after the big rain, it was very beautiful. This day, we started our 3 days 2 nights sea expedition. We departed after we packed everything and had our lunch. Everyone seemed to be very excited, normally we do kayak at lake or river, and now we were going to kayak at the sea! We went on to the kayak by pairs except Rheza, we had odd number of participants and he became the one who kayak alone~ First day of kayaking was not bad, except that I was hoping not to capsize along the way especially when the waves were strong. We took around 2 hours to reach the campsite.

Look, they are excited, aren't they? :)

There were a lot of monkeys at the campsite and the toilet area was scary lol! We built tents, set up fire to cook and there gone our first night. The next morning, we woke up around 5am to prepare breakfast and pack everything. Around 7.30am, we left the campsite and moved on. The real challenge has begun -- kayaking around the Pangkor Island. We did have a great start as the sea was peaceful. Instructors told us that we were fast, if nothing goes wrong, we would probably reach the second campsite in the afternoon. 

A few hours have gone, most of us were feeling tired especially under the hot sun. We are just normal human being, going slower and slower when we knew that we were near to the destination. While we were taking our time, the sky started to become dark. I was just telling Harvard to move faster, then the storm came. The wind was blowing so strong, together with the waves, we couldn't get our way straight. From far, we could see that all boats were no longer in the formation, we were going further from each other.

As one of the boats that were at the middle, we were quite far away from the front. We tried to catch up with them but we failed, it was just to hard to pedal. Looking back, there were a lot of people far behind us. There were no one around us, the speedboat went behind to pick up some of them who were too far away from the group, one at a time using the speedboat. For once, I asked Harvard, before anything happened, should we just blow the whistle and ask for help, or should we just land at the beach nearby? He took a while and replied, let's move on :) 

So, we moved on. We didn't have the strength to continue, the waves kept pushing my pedal to the back and it hit Harvard's pedal. Both of us were panic, but I knew I shouldn't stop, it won't get us anywhere but we would just capsize. And if the boat capsize, with the strong waves, I knew that I couldn't stay calm and wait for the instructor to come, I would struggle and it might cost my life even though I had a life jacket. At that point of time, I had only one thought --- I couldn't afford to capsize. We had to keep on doing sharp turn to get our direction straight, it ended up where I became the one who gave the command and Harvard contributed his strength lol. I knew it was hard for him, especially that it took a lot of strength to make a sharp turn to go against the flow. 

After struggling for so long, we finally reached the destination. We saw a lot of people cried, the first round of headcount had only 30+ people out of 57, there were almost half of us who had not make their way here. Speedboats went around to pick them up and we prayed for the safety of all. Thank God at the end of the day, all of us arrived safely. It was challenging and we would probably experience it only once in our lifetime. Harvard and I were grateful to have each other along the way, I taught him how to determine the direction to go against the wave and he used off all his strength to get us to the destination. 

During the sharing session at night, some of us shared our experience. Rheza, the one who kayak alone shared that during the storm, he felt extremely helpless. He was too tired to pedal against the strong waves and there was no one to help him, he had to make it to the destination himself. At that point of time, he was telling his God to just let him die, he just couldn't continue anymore. Out of a sudden, he felt the strength in him, then he kayak to the beach nearby, landed there and asked for help. Throughout the journey, he was saved by the speedboat for 3 times lol! Another pair, Ayuni and her partner, their boat capsized after hitting by the waves. They came out from the boat and tried to get the support from the boat to float, then the boat capsized and they were brought down into the seawater again, it happened 3 times until they could stay still and blow the whistle. Both of them were really panic and if it was not the whistle, instructors wouldn't find them. 

I was glad that instructors have chosen the sea expedition for us instead of the land. It might not be something that I would like to do, but if it was not OBS, I wouldn't get to experience it in my lifetime. I wouldn't expect that one like me, who don't know how to swim and afraid of water, to actually kayak on the sea for more than 5 hours, with the storm, and survived. The instructor was right, we were not expected to remember how to pedal, how to built up a tent, how to set up fire etc in the future, but there will always be something that we will not forget, how hard we have tried to survive, to overcome our fear in life, how we have been holding our friends tight to go through all these together. Are we still going to be like this in the future? Will all of us remember the moments that we have went through together as a Petronas family? God knows :)

Not forgetting to mention about the second campsite, there was no washroom there and we had to settle our "business" at "anywhere" :X Then, we used the well water for shower. I wouldn't call it a shower, the water was grey in colour, it made my body and hair smelled like the drain water lol! Well, we called it back to basic, so couldn't really care much about it, at least we have some water there. On the next morning, we went back to the OBS place and ended our 3 days 2 nights sea expedition, with around 10 hours of kayaking. 

After cleaning boats and unpacking all the things, we went back for a nice shower before we started to prepare for the BBQ night. As usual, we were required to perform. During the night, it was performance and food together with instructors, participants and our Petronas officers who came all the way from KL. On the last day, we had our quick and short closing ceremony, certificates were given out together with our group photo on the first day. And so, 57 of us, officially "graduated" from the Outward Bound School :) 

Got a certificate and a badge hehe~ 

Hmmm..... a lot to say about this. A big thanks to our instructors, specifically to my watch's instructor, Mr Firdaus as well as Yong Belar people. Generally, girls are really good in cooking and guys contributed their strength in everything. In life, people around us are the Ankle and Belayer while we are the Climber. A lot of times, they give us their full support in order for us to achieve what we want. Thank you Petronas for spending so much on us for this OBS programme, it was a great one! I wouldn't have the chance to experience these if I did not go to OBS, the sea expedition really did challenge me to the maximum. I would also like to say that all our juniors are awesome, they are good in their own way and the bonding between them are really strong :)

我也看见了红月 :)

After this camp, 

I tell myself, 

I must learn how to swim -.-

这一次，加油！

我也有今天了，哈哈，哈哈哈 =.=

以前，都不知道是谁成天都爱说成绩，不过是一张纸。一个人的素质，根本无法以成绩来衡量。以这句话作借口，我似乎已习以为常了。这句话很有道理啊，可不是吗？

在幼儿园和小学的我，的确曾经名列前茅的。到了中学，开始参与了各项活动，分散了专注力。成绩，每一次都是够用就好，以自身体现了“小时了了，大未必佳”这句话。虽说放纵了自己，可是我当然也会确保我达到该达到的水准。只是已经回不去那什么都高分的我。有时候，小学朋友也曾问，以前的你去了哪？呵呵~

而祢，总是这样，我越说不能的东西，祢就会要我去推翻自己的拒绝。因祢知道，其实我是可以的，只是很多时候，我都否定了自己。所以，我被置于一群获得奖学金的学生当中。说真的，一开始的确会不习惯的，我根本不属那一类人啊~ 不但如此，祢还特地安排了我在他们三个人身边，成了四人一班，俗称 “further maths gang” 。

和他们三个在一起，是很开心的。可是每每说到学业，我简直就是和三个在各自中学全校第一的学生一起，犹如和三个黄诗怡（10 年公教第一的优异生）一起上课 =.= 如果我告诉你没有压力，那就是个莫大的谎言了。四个人在一个班，一对三，倘若我不把自己的成绩也变得像他们的一样漂亮怎么行。

我想，祢就是知道这方法对我最有效，才刻意做了这么一个安排。结果，明知道自己可以拿 account，却还是选择了 further maths。预考成绩出了。这一次，我真的做到了，把之间的距离给合起来了，甚至在某些程度上超越了。看着自己满分的考卷，老师还骗我是50/100，心里其实真的很感恩。纵使仅有这一次，或者算我幸运，可就这一次预考，给了我很大的推动力。

从来，都未曾像这两年那么努力，那么希望可以把自己的成绩推向巅峰。从来，都未曾以成绩为承诺，都未曾让成绩来主宰我的道路。这一次，真的好笑了~ 祢要让我看见的，就是这个对吧？谁说我高攀不住那群优异生，到最后，还不是自己不够奋斗。在祢的引领下，没有难成的事。这，是真的。

倒数两个星期了。这一次，我读书了，还是没有最后一分钟才来拼的。祢并没有只是把我放在这里就离开了，祢给我这么好的他们。我可以说，如果不是他们三个，我其实也不会那么努力地去突破。如果今天班上不是只是我和他们三个，我也不会想过其实我还可以做得更好。就像今天和 min wen 说的，我衷心地感激他们一直以来的帮助，在我无法解答的时候给予教导。

当成绩不再只是个人目标，而已经变成一种承诺，变成左右你生命的关键之一，你知道，你已经不可以松懈了。这一次或许是二十年来第一次感受到那种深切的逼迫感，但我知道，这只是个开始。以后，没了他们，就必须自律了~

告诉自己，需要再努力，现在的不够，还不够。还需要更好，除了因为要更好，也因为已经很清楚地知道自己可以更好。

If you want something that you have never had,

then you must do something that you have never done!

今天，我明了 :')

最近的生活，是低沉的。告诉了自己多少次，离大考还有两个星期，该抛开一切，专注在课业上的。可是，我怎么都做不到。每当我静下来的时候，思绪就会被侵蚀；心，已被厚厚的低落感笼罩着。

近期，死了好多人，天灾和人祸与日俱增。有些人看见了这些新闻，或许会多了份感慨，或许会多了份庆幸。而我，却可以为这些失落好久好久。我承认，我比普通人多了一份情感。有人说，是我多情；有人说，是我爱胡思乱想。他却告诉我，这，是上帝的怜悯。

我，已经越来越不敢翻开报纸，阅读新闻了。五年前，身为编辑部队的一分子，我必须阅读五一二四川大地震的新闻，时时跟进地震的死伤人数。读着每一篇故事，看着每一张照片，真的很心痛。最近四川再度发生了地震，我已经失去了那个勇气去阅读那些新闻，听灾民们的故事。我很清楚地知道，我不能，真的不能。接二连三的死亡消息，对我的打击真的很大。生命，是什么？因一场天灾，因人类的罪恶而失去的生命，是什么？

除了死亡的消息，新闻也充满了大马政治的消息。看见了大家的期待，看见了大家的坚决。看着国政如何因为被威胁而作出的行动，看着人民如何心连心地喊改变。可偏偏这时候，祢却告诉我：孩子，还不是时候。我一直都不敢把祢告诉我的这句话说出去。。。明明知道是祢，可就连我听了，也会感到悲哀。

对于一群气势汹汹，迫不及待要改朝换代的人民来说，“还不是时候”这五个字，真的很残忍。还不是时候，究竟是什么意思？还要多少个五年，才可以让大家有安稳的生活；还要多少个五年，才可以让人民对这片土地重拾希望；还要多少个五年，才可以建立人民之间的和谐，让大家团结一致，勇敢地站立起来？

我，问了祢好多好多的问题。我也曾经有那个念头，想求祢收回那份怜悯。别人或许无法了解，可祢一定知道，这份怜悯对我的思绪起了多大的影响。最后，我还是收回了自己的请求。如果今天，我为一条生命失落了一天，我感受到那种痛苦；那创造人类的祢，看着人类的堕落，无谓的相争，岂不是更伤吗？

今天，祢答复了。我听见了，真的听见了。祢对我说：孩子，别再伤心，别再低落了。你要相信我，随着我的计划而来的，是比你想像中更好的美意。离去的人，我已经把他们接到了我的国度里了。你所呼求的，我都听见了。不要急，慢慢来，你可以的 :)

想对祢说，上帝，我明白了。这次，我真的明白了。我不会再问为什么，无论发生什么事，无论最后的结果是什么，这一切，都只是为了成就更多的救赎，为了带来更好的未来。祢赐给我的怜悯，不是要让我被满满的消沉击败，而是要我因着这份感动，因着这份痛，去感化更多的生命。他说，我是蒙福的，因祢非常地厚爱我。是的，我哪会忘记，祢是我从小的守护神，祢让天使一直地照顾我。既然祢拣选了我，那我必让我的生命成为一个最有力，最实体的见证。

以前，都不肯让自己在祢的殿中掉泪。今天，我毫无保留的掉泪了。因为我告诉自己，我会听话，我会遵从祢的旨意。

在那浩瀚的大海中，纵使孤舟，我亦行

因祢会引领我，跨越所有艰难和风暴

我明白了，

所以我流泪了；

我领悟了，

所以我哭了。

无声的夜

倚坐在屋檐下
瞻望远方的余晖
轻风
撩起了发角
丝丝凉意
吹动着滔滔温情

小路的尽头
怅意弥浓
枝桠间
雀雁呵叹着远景
伴奏无声的心声
颂苍生

缄默
细听
齿轮的旋转
一度一分
我心
又碎了多少分

只想静静地

沉溺在这月色中

等待

下一个晨曦

一个改变的期待 :)

最近，一打开面子书和报纸，看到的都是大选的消息。这次的五月五大选，真的是马来西亚50年来最来势汹汹的一次。其实，懂我的人都知道，我真的很不喜欢政治。如果你问我，我只会回答你“无聊”两个字。不是我不关心国家大事，不是我无视他们对国家的重要性，而是明明知道他们对一个国家有多么地重要，却整天只看见他们互相责骂或浪费资源，而觉得很无聊。

人民集会，集体游行已经演变成人民向政府传达民声的管道，这话说出来，都会觉得可悲。倘若有选择，谁不想在周末的清晨呆在家，与家人享受天伦之乐，而要花时间出来与大家享受日光浴，为的只是向政府表达一个立场？一个国家，既为民主，就不应该让一党独裁。所谓的两线制，就是要承认双方的存在，保持一种互相监督的关系，让一个国家真正地繁荣。可是为什么，连这最基本的公平竞争，你也会胆怯？

说真的，我还是保持中立的一份子，国阵和民联我哪边都不会靠。不是人家所谓的我没有看清国阵有多不好，而是无论现在执政的是哪一方，你总是会有反对你的人群。没有错，现在的你可以大声地骂国政的不是，以它的不是否定了它所有的成就；如果民联上阵了，你可以确保五年或十年后，同样的事情不会发生吗？

可是，我很清楚地知道一点，当一个党羽执政了多年，它会有它的高峰期，然后它就会享受在被承认的目光里，在原地踏步，最后衰弱。这，是每一个领导者，每一个执政党羽都会面对的问题。五十年来不变的模式，哪来的突破？我的重点是，问题已经超乎了每个人都会犯错的议题。纵使我不能确认民联上阵会带来进步，也不能确认国政连任后真的会改变，但我可以确定改变是必要的。

我身边都是一群拿奖学金，日后将一起到国外升学的学生。获得了出国升学的机会，开始找寻很多国外顶尖大学的资料，开始发现很多马来西亚给不到你的机会。是的，很兴奋，很期待，但也很感慨。为什么在马来西亚，外国留学生就会被标志为高级一点的毕业生，在外国公司做工就会标志为前途无可限量？会不会有这么一天，外国人会像我们期待被录取般地期待能够进入马来西亚大学，希望能够获得在马来西亚就业的机会（莫说来大马找口饭吃的外劳）？

其实，马来西亚很好，真的很好。虽然环境渐渐地被污染，虽然我们有了第一次的小战争，可比起有天灾战争的国家，我们哪会不好？其实，我们有很多人才，真的很多。如果你认真地在世界各地做调查，你会发现很多成功人士都是马来西亚人。此地无用武之地，大材小用成了他们离弃祖国最有理的借口。倘若爱国是有未来的，倘若为国效力是有价值的，倘若大家看重的是一个人的才干，而不是其他的因素，你就会在这里发现他们的踪影了。

这个国家，还是有好的公司，在此宣扬一下赞助我们的国油公司，Petronas。我真的欣赏他们的中心思想以及爱惜人才，培育人才的作风。他人或许不知道，可是我们身为他们一小部分的都知道，它为了这个国家供应了多少。你在用着的电能，煤气及石油，若不是它没有完全顾及自己的盈利，负担了几乎一半的费用，大家还能那么安乐地享受吗？可是一个这么好的公司，容不下所有的人。

所以，这个国家的中心思想需要改变。请不要再让人才流失，白白地让其他国家得益了好吗？我不是在卖我们的价值有多高，请高薪留住我们，而是至少让大家看见属于每个人的一个价值。我想，不需要全世界最丰厚的薪水，只需要最基本的珍惜与重视，人民就会愿意为这土地留下。我的根，在马来西亚，不是在中国，将来也不会在英国，不会在新加坡。

身为大马人，有些东西我们也必须很坦然地接受。每个国家会有属于自己的身份，每个国家也会尽可能地保护自己种族的思想。身为华人，我没有要求绝对的公平，但我希望大家能够达成某种程度上的共识。马来文，我愿意学，而且我还会引以为荣，因为我懂得我国家的语言，但请别否定华文，英文和印度语文。伊斯兰教，我尊敬，我甚至和他们住在同一个屋檐下，我没问题，但请也尊敬其他种族与宗教信仰。我不是针对任何一方，只是以此为例。我只希望有一天，我不再需要填我是什么种族，是什么宗教，我的肤色不再需要被列入考量的因素。原因只有一个，因为我们都是马来西亚人。

马来西亚，不要再让人民心淡了，好吗？这一次，大家都投入了好多的希望与期待。如果改变不成，才是个真正的开始。人民不会再相信他们有那个能力去改变，因为再多的努力，似乎都战胜不了那专制。人民不会再相信有未来，因为这个未来，可能要等好多个五年，要等新一批的人就位，等新一群的热血人民重新团结。人民不再相信有前途，而都会开始转移发展的方向，因为所有的东西都会保持不变，走向国家破产的推算。这所谓的改变，重点不在于执政的党，而是整个国家的趋势与作风，都需要一个改变。

所以，拜托，请让它成了，我还要回来我祖国的 :)

爱国，

本不求国能给予你什么，

应自问你能贡献多少；

我爱国，

愿为国效力，

但我求国爱我，如我爱它，

求国惜我，如我惜它 ！

*纯属个人抒发，敬请勿当政治宣言作任何评论*

无释

有些东西，我还是习惯性地只对你说。你，听见了吗？

在不知不觉中，脑海里又浮现了我从小就开始问的问题。和平的来临，是不是只是一个永远无法实现的梦？而如果这一天的来临，是用许许多多的生命换回来的，意义，还在吗？以前，我总在想，如果一个笑容可以温暖他人的心；如果一份爱可以感化他人的人生，那怎么大家都那么地吝啬呢？

其是，现在的我也不知道如何把脑里的思绪转化为文字。我想，你知道我想问的是什么吧？昨晚，读书到闷了，就阅读了几篇最近发生的事件，心里涌现了一股很强的失落感。今天，听见了一个朋友说：不是我不替无辜死亡的人感到可怜，而是才三个人离世，比起美国所炸死的，根本不能成对比。这句话，竟然是一个从已经20岁的人口中所出的。

原来，三条生命就不是生命。原来，死亡的人数少就不值得一提。原来，因为报仇而牺牲的生命是活该。以前，我曾经写过，一条生命的价值。一条生命，还是生命，不可以因为他只是一条生命，就无法和一群人的生命相同并论。无论你是个小孩，是个大人，是个好人，穷人还是坏人，你的生命，还是生命，还是一条宝贵的生命。

原谅我，我永远不会明白。为什么为了保住地位与权利，就必须通过宣战来显示自己有多强。为什么为了扩大政权，就必须以攻打来夺取其他领域。为什么为了失去的性命报仇，眼前所见的生命都已毫无价值了。从几时开始，人，已经变得那么冷血了？大家似乎对他人的死亡产生了免疫力，已经不会再感到丝毫的怜悯。

或许你会说，是我无知。或许你会挑战我，说如果今天的我是掌权人，面对外来的威胁和攻击，我会怎么做。如果今天的我是掌权人，面对一群铁定心肠要为心爱的人报仇的人民，我会怎么做。或许你会质问我，如果今天是我的亲人被敌人一举歼灭，我还能那么坦然地在这里问那么多白痴都会答的问题吗。

我想，是你从我身上拿走了某样东西吧。不知你拿走了的是什么，可我想那肯定是为了让我变得更好的。以前的人，打战的时候都会说，为了成就国家大事，区区的几条生命算得了什么。用生命换回来的胜利，用遍布满城的血而换来的稳定，似乎只是为了惦记为国捐躯的战士们而变得有价值。这怎么也无法与愿意放下九十九只羔羊，去寻找那一只迷失的羔羊的你相比。

不是觉得可以对牺牲了的生命置之不理，而是这样的相争，到何时才能结束？一个人生命的主宰权，是在上帝的手上，而不是在人的手上。一个人，凭什么来评论他人的价值，因为没有一个人配这么做。

有时候，真的很想问你，你是生命的主宰人，那这一切的发生，都是你的旨意吗？世人都是你创造的，看见自己的孩子互相残杀，那你不就比现在的我，更伤痛百倍，对吧？如果圣经上记载末世的预言之一是国会攻打国，民会攻打民，那这一切就是早在你预料中的吗？

人类，给这些罪捆绑得很深，很深。无论是你，是我，或是他，都一样。我也是人，也根本不配去猜测你的计划究竟是什么，也无法去思想你看见我们堕落的心情是什么。但，我心中就是不断地在问着这个问题，为什么，为什么他们就不能对人仁爱，凡事包容，互相相爱？那是不是永远只是一个梦？

前路，我看不见
有着太多我无法明白的问题

但我知道

我只需要如常地信靠着你

一直

地走下去

如果你应许，

可以告诉我答案吗？

Ms Loh's Birthday ^.^

Today is our Further Maths lecturer, Ms Loh's birthday. If you have heard me saying it, among our whole batch, there are only 4 of us in the Further Maths class. I guess that's the reason why she treats us very good as its quite easy to handle us and we are like a bunch of little kids haha! She always bring food for us and share "secrets" with us, secrets that keep within us only :) Oh yea, she only gives our class angpau during Chinese New Year =X

I can say she have never scolded us, of course we do complete her homework and attend classes on time. Sometimes, we tend to lose concentration in her class, and she will stare at us, questioning us the same question, didn't I teach you about this before?! haha! Then we will show the innocent and sorry face, sorry that we have forgotten it, then she will say, I don't want to tell you, find it our yourself lol!

She has high hope in four of us. I do know that my standard is not as top as the three of them, but she will always give encouragement. I promised her, I will strive for the best for her subject. Its definitely not easy, but I'm going to take up this challenge.

No doubt that I will surely miss her a lot after A Level, she is a really good teacher. Sometimes, she is very cute, especially when she was telling us about other classes. She looks like a kid when she was complaining too, don't imagine her to be one that 大吵大闹, of course she is not like that.

That day, we spent the whole hour chatting with her, guessing her age and birthday. She didn't want to tell us as she doesn't want anyone to celebrate for her, she doesn't want to announce to the whole world that her birthday is on the particular day. But still, we have prepared a birthday card for her. We all love her a lot too!

oh yea, this is how they discriminate short people 

This is the reply from her :
Thank you all! 
I really enjoy teaching your class!
No need to "scold" to do work, can share "secrets" with, fun! :)
Have been thinking about how much I am going to miss your class when you complete your A Levels in June :(

Happy Birthday,

Ms Loh! 

Broga Hill @ 1st time :D

After so long, I have finally made my first visit to climb up the Broga Hill with him haha! We departed at around 4am because we wanted to be on time to watch the sunrise. Well~ we didn't really see it, thick mist covered most of the good views @.@

Nevertheless, it was a good one. Climbing up the hill in the dark was pretty challenging. Along the way, some people stopped at lower part of the hill, but we continued to climb until almost the highest. Initially, we wanted to climb to the highest peak, but we saw people started to come down, so we just settled at that place and set up the camera :P

A lot of people came all the way here to enjoy the good view and exercise too~

Nice view from the top :)

I learnt how to do this using a dslr camera!

Credit to the Malay couple that we met :)

And in case I will forget, there's something that I must jot down here. There were bees around and he was very afraid of bees, until he tried to hide everywhere! LOL! I know I'm bad, I'm afraid of bee too, it was a very big bee! He claimed that it was because he was stung by a bee before and he knows how pain it is haha.

Sweat a lot,

good way of releasing stress ~

Hot Air Balloon Fiesta' 13 ^.^v

There's a tv show about the guy who went to work at different places, there was once he worked as the balloonist's assistant, helping to set up the hot air balloon and driving the tourists around. After I watched that, I just had the strong feeling of wanting to have a hot air balloon ride :P

I remember I did see the advertisement of the Putrajaya Hot Air Balloon Fiesta 2013 last month, but with all the revisions, homework, trials in my mind, I totally forgot about it. Credit to Chun Kit, who reminded me of this fiesta :P If he didn't remind me of that, I think I wouldn't have been there haha.

They only allowed 300 people to have the ride for each session, and there are only morning and evening session on each day. Therefore, we needed to go early and queue for the tickets. Considering about the weather during these days and his time ( I won't go if I'm alone haha), going on a Saturday morning would be a better choice.

If you could see how I talked to him, you would know how much I wanted to go, and yea lar, it was because of me which made him wanted to go too :P Since we have already planned to go, of course I would like to be one of the 300 to go up for the ride haha. And so, we went there very very early in the morning. I think I better not to tell what time did we reach there, when I came to think back about it, we must be crazy that time lol! I can only say, the workers came at 5am and people started forming a queue by that time~

Of course, we got the tickets!! I tell you, those people are not any better than us, we were at the same level of craziness XD The others went there early in the morning too, for those who were in the queue but out of the 300 people for morning session, they continued staying in the queue and intended to wait for the evening tickets to be sold, which they would only start selling at 5pm!!

We bought 3 tickets together, one for Kyle. Sadly, Chun Kit couldn't join us as he needed to help his mum in the early morning, followed by a survey at Tropicana. Kyle came around 8am, and they went on to take a lot of pictures. I was standing at a side, watching how they set up the hot air balloon and anticipating to go up :P It went up to about a bit more than a tree's height and it could only accomodate 3-4 people at once.

Finally, it has reached our turn. I felt a bit warm as we were standing under the fire. The feeling of being up there was fun, enjoying the view of the sky and the ground. Although it did not fly like the hot air balloon at the other countries, which requires you to pay few hundred bucks for a ride, I was satisfied haha. I just wanted to get up and experience the fun of it, and under a safety condition. The day before it, my mum was telling me, "wah, you sure you dare to go up? what if it explodes like what happened in Egypt?" I was like, er..... but I still feel like trying..... =X

Got to see a lot of hot air balloon from all over the world ^^

Thank you very much for bringing me there,
accompanying me to wait throughout the whole midnight :)

 

 

With that,

I mark another new experience

in my life :)

 





Dunking session - RAC Subang's style :P

After sooooo long, RAC Subang had their dunking session today for all the December'12, January, February and March'13 babies~~ Obviously, I was one of them who kena T.T

Well, it was fun haha! A face full of cream, until I couldn't see anymore. Then, had a great bath after I went back to hostel ^.^

From before, to after, to the group pic with all :)

 

Interested in watching how we got dunked? watch this ==> Whole dunking process @.@

Creamy face,

Creamy hair,

Joyful night :D

 



学涯中的三个她

今天下午，ms sathya, KDU Pre-U's Head of Academic Department 就很突然地和我说了一段话，想把这份感触记载于此。

（我在和朋友聊天，等待着下一堂课的开始）
S   : Alicia, come here a while.
me : okay (die lor, did I do something wrong? @.@ walked to the corner...)
S   : Alicia, if you need reference or testimonial for any internship, please ask from me. I will want to write for you.
me : Har?? why out of a sudden...... (stunned)
S   : Why? because I know how much you have done for MKM, as well as the fun run. Just let me know when you need it ;)
me : oo, OK! thank you ms sathya!

对这突如其来的对话感到有点受宠若惊， 哈哈！果然，在我的每一段小学，中学及大学先修班的生涯中，都会有这么一个她。她们都是学校的女老师，皆未婚（应该）。她们，都是固执的，都是强势的，可为了学生，也是可以付出很多。

小学时候的她，是凌老师，我四年级到六年级的班主任。她不怎么跟随精武的“文化”，就是有自己做事的一套方式。她向来都很看重我，连选了我当两年的模范生，还因我选择当学长，不当她的班长而“责问”我，哈哈！犹记得，她就是那一位在SARS 期间，知道大马旅游业严重受影响后，就来问我 ：“晓靖，你家庭经济状况还好吗？如果有什么需要，记得告诉我！” 当时的我没说，其实我真的很感动。想起了在小学时期发生的好多故事，她还在我失控那段期间，不带任何条件地坚持相信我。

她，曾说，第一次看到我，就有种直觉我很特别。

当然，我的中学生涯中更是多了好多位老师来扶持我，可那一个她，还是属于 ms margaret，我的女童军老师。她，一个我对她没有爱也没有恨的人。身为一个女童军，我的确必须要很感激她为我们所付出的一切。看见她孤独作战，累得在我眼前流泪，我，难道真的不会有感觉吗？可是，也应该没有多少人知道，她在我背后所做的一切吧。她曾经一度地让我不想再回到童军那里，背着我擅自强硬地改变我的路线，让我对很多把希望投在我身上的老师和学生感到很愧疚。我，辜负了他们对我的信任与期望；她，剥夺了我自由选择的权利。如果有机会，我真的很想说，我会饮水思源，可是那泉源，并不只限此地。如果是你对我的信任不够多，或许这是我做得不够好的错，那就请不要对我说你梦见我和对不起。我尚且还小，但我会思考，我对你的袒护和真诚，多少分真假你心里有数，是你们以前所做的让我对此地产生反感吧。我选择储存就仅有，最初最纯的美好时光，还有我与一群伙伴和学妹们的回忆。（离题了=.=）

她，也曾说，我是一个特别的女孩。

到了伯乐大学，原以为在这地方平平凡凡地度过两年就是了。哪知道，还轮不到我休息，又被盯上了，最后还领了一众举办义跑。期间，发生了好多好多事情，很累。时间，很短；雨，却一再地下。大家都看见我消瘦了（好像是一件好事 XD）。Miss Sathya 是直接管理我们的老师，她，很严，要求很高。我，在责骂中成长了。有一次，她对我一人说，有什么需要帮忙就告诉她，如果她无法当我们的依靠，那这职位就不需要由她来任职了。可我还可以从她身上要求什么呢，那段期间，她也必须独自和病魔战斗。

三个女人，三个故事，三分扶持，三行泪水。她们三人，给了我不同的启蒙，也让我更为刚强，继续往前走。

我记得祢说过，祢是不会让我一个人独自作战的。祢说，我的人生不会一帆风顺，必会经历百般挫折的测试。我的人生，是其他人无法走的，因为这是祢给各个世人独特的安排。祢必不叫我受试探过于我所能受的，所以今天，我还屹立于此。犯错了，祢会对我小惩大戒；做对的，无论世人如何阻挡，祢仍然会给我意外的奖赏。

祢的恩典，如繁星般数不清 :)

我在想，

大学的时候，

会不会也是有这么一个她？

RAC Subang Medical Camp 2.0 :)

This morning, I went to Puchong for the Medical Camp 2.0 together with my fellow Rotaract Club (RAC) of Subang members. Last year, we have organised one for the Myanmar Refugees Children at Tesco, so this was our second time. This project is meaningful and it actually helps the children a lot.

These bunch of kids have to leave their own country due to the country's political conflict and unstable economy, so they normally travel to different countries including Malaysia and US, under the care of UNHCR. As in Malaysia, the reason why they are known as refugees is because of the government does not recognize them, so that's where some non-profit organizations come in to help them, such as Shelter Home and Rotary, providing them with shelter, basic necessities as well as a place for education.

So, early in the morning, Aaron fetched me to the meeting place to take goodie bags that we have packed for them. Then, we departed to their school to set up everything. We did dental check up, basic body check up, basic eye sight check and personal hygiene demonstration for them. Initially, I was assigned to duty at the GP (General Practitioner) station, then I was transferred to the other side to help to look after the kids. Until the second dentist has came, my task was set to be her nurse - a dentist nurse XD

I never know what do I need to do as her nurse or even how to "draw" some patterns on those "boxes". I only remember when I was having dental check up during primary school, the dentist used to draw some lines and some circles on those rows of boxes which I could never get what those mean. Today, I finally could understand what they mean. She taught me once before she left me doing it myself while she was doing the check up. She was going faster and faster, I had to be very concentrate in order to catch what she said. She said I'm intelligent as I learnt very fast, can consider applying a part time job as a nurse hahaha!

Those boxes stand for your teeth for upper jaw and lower jaw, left side and right side. Then, the dentist will check your tooth one by one, alphabet stands for baby tooth and number stands for adult tooth. From there, the dentist will know the growth of your teeth, then they will compare it with your age to determine whether your teeth are growing on the right "pace". They have different signs to represent teeth that need to be pulled out or need filling, and also the sign to record holes between teeth.

Throughout the medical camp, those kids really did behave well. Those who are elder, like 10-13 years old, they would take care of those younger one, lead them and ensure that they stay in a group. When I was helping the dentist, there was a little girl holding her younger sister's hand, then she led her sister to sit on the dental chair, told her to open her mouth and accompanied her throughout the whole process. This little thing that she did touched the bottom of my heart.

The girl was only 9 years old, see what most of the Malaysian kids are doing when they are at the age of 9, holding their parents tight when they visit the dentist? These bunch of kids, they do not usually have the chance to live with their parents. They are not orphans, but their parents are working hard out there, either in local, Myanmar or other countries. What left with them are teachers, those brothers and sisters around them. They have a very strong sense of caring towards each other, even though they are not from the same family. If and only if they are as fortunate as us, having to grow under the love and protection by our parents and have a proper education, they will be a bunch of good future leaders.

In Malaysia, a lot of big organizations will not choose to help these bunch of kids as they claim that why are we not helping our own Malaysian kids first. But I would like to say, a life is a life, it makes no difference between the future of a Myanmar kid and the future of a Malaysian kid, they are still the same. I do understand that to a certain extent, people will tend to leave the best for their own people, but still there are others who need us too.

All in all, the medical camp was a great success, a big thanks to the organizers and those who helped out throughout the whole process. May God bless the future of these children, take care of their journey ahead of them. Please lend Your great hand and lead them throughout hard times, make them stronger and more resilient. May these children remember how much have they went through together, hold tightly to their friendship and do not lose the sense of caring, that's the gift from the God ;)

It reminds me of Peter Biak, a 16 years old Myanmar teenager that I met during Medical Camp 1.0. Sometimes, he would text me and chat with me before he flew to US (I think he is there now). He once told me that he misses his parents and brother a lot. They are working out there and he only got to see them once after a long time. He promised me to study hard, so that his parents do not need to worry about him and he will have the ability to take care of them next time. A 16 years old guy, he has a will, a will to stay with his own family and no longer being called as a refugee.

Time to reflect on yourself, 

the society is calling for your help,

what can you offer? 

FGA PJY BBQ~

Today, I attended the BBQ session organised by FGA PJY. Hmm...... second time joining their activities after the trip to Gua Tempurung? haha! This time, Yusong invited Seng Yew to join us too, it was because SY once told YS to invite him to their camps and activities.

I went to their youth session in the afternoon, then followed them to go to Claudia's parents' house directly. Sengyew was already there when I reached, another meet up with old friend~ Looking at those people who set up the fire, my brain started to flash back those moments when we, a bunch of Girl Guides, used to gather at a dark corner (because the school do not on the light =.=), set up the fire and have our BBQ session. We could not see whether the food was fully cooked, so we used to eat a lot of "burned" food. The time when we were together was really fun, even with the dirty face and hands, and a strong smell on our clothes.

Seng Yew chatted a lot with Yu Song and I. He was so excited when he told us the story of his trip to Taiwan. Although he was mad at some of the parts due to someone, but I could tell he did enjoy a lot during the trip, especially when he said he wanted to live in the Watson in Taiwan LOL! For me, he did not change that much, still the same person as he was in high school. Nice to chat with, and a caring person.

Tonight was a great one too, good food, good people, good fellowship. Esther and Xin Ying purposely prepared half melted mash mellow for me, aunty JieLi was taking food for me too, not to forget about him who cooked the chicken wing for me when I said I wanted to it. They treated me really good. Being with them, I do need to worry that I got nothing to eat, they will surely feed me with lots of food until I say stop haha. We had worship session and games, and ice-cream at the end of the night :P

Cannot eat any more than this already @.@

A Healthy Week ;)

I had a very healthy lifestyle this week, 3-4 badminton sessions in a week :D

As it's getting closer to the exam date, we are becoming more and more active in sports, I guess that's how we release stress haha. Of these few sessions, the most tired one would be today. I played for 2 hours at Taman Megah with Yu Song, then another 2 hours at Sterling with Lian and Syahmi.

My leg produced salt!! 

Look at these 3 shuttlecocks, you can imagine how terror our game was

I......
lost 2 kg

wheee~~~ :P

A bit of each day ;)

Have been owing this site some "reports" that I'm supposed to complete~ The best resolve --> combine all in one XD

Last Tuesday was the closing ceremony for KDU Sport Challenge 2013. This year, I only got one medal, which was the bronze medal for Netball~ Hmm..... I still think the design for last year was better hahaha!

Then, on Thursday, 7th of March, we have celebrated our 3rd year anniversary ;) I was too happy blogging about the offer from Warwick and nearly skipped this memorable day :P Time flies, we have been together for 3 years~ The reason why we set it on 7th of March was funny, I shall write about our story some other time, though Zhi Min has actually shared part of it on her blog. 

A cheese cake that he has made for me, his first time XD I would still call it a cheese pudding, because it looked like and tasted like a pudding hahaha. I guess he needs to go back to his sifu - Ming Ming to improve his skills or even learn how to make more other desserts.

Not to forget about the outing with my old friends, those who are by my side since high school. They are Zhimin, Junlyn and Huiwen. We had a great dinner at Sushi Zanmai and nice ice-cream as dessert. We chatted a lot about the past and current life. It seemed like everyone is having a pretty good life now, except for the fact that we need to study hard and prepare for the upcoming exams haha.

It has been a long time since I last met with them, especially for Junlyn and Huiwen. Reminiscing about the past, there were still a lot of things that we couldn't forget. For this, I have to admit that both Lyn and Min have a really good memory, they could really remember even a little thing that happened during the past. We had a fun-filled life throughout the 5 years in CHS, that was the place where each of us has grown up. Talking about relationship, I did shared about mine. I did not tell them, actually they were the first and the only few people whom I told the start and the meaning of 7th March to haha. 

With Zhimin and Huiwen 

With Zhimin and Junlyn

There goes my great great week ;)

与文字的偶遇

某天，在大众书局逛着的时候，看见了这本翻译成华文版的书。转到后面去，看见了这篇那么美的文字，就在这里分享一下 ;)


爱你，已是成年往事。
我们最终难逃陌路相向，不得已转身天涯。

我独坐在异国的台阶上，
看阳光穿透午后的闷热，自树木的枝桠间倾泻而下。

我们曾说，爱至死不渝。
我们曾幻想，在彼此的体温间了却余生。

而今没有你。
我在台阶上安坐，任阳光闪耀，岁月蹉跎。

花开的光景璀璨如钻石，弥足珍贵。
蝴蝶赶着渡过沧海，仓促地抖开翅膀。

那一天，我坐在布满苔藓的台阶上，
轻轻地想念你。

你在的城辉煌灿烂。
而我的废墟上只有残落的花瓣，狼藉斑斑。

文字中带了沉沉忧伤，

却真的很美~

A night with Your surprise :')

Oh my God....... I have never thought that I would be that touched and grateful to receive the offer from the University of Warwick. The whole process happened within ten minutes when I was alone in my room and everyone else was asleep. Do not ask me why am I not sleeping at 4am in the morning, I just feel like writing down my feeling now~

All along since I started to complete my UCAS application, I have been setting my mind on LSE, one of the London Universities as well as the top school for BSc Accounting and Finance. What's wrong with a girl who was born and raised up in a city to aim for a life in such a big London city for her three years of university life right? Looking through the syllabus that LSE provides for my course, I had a feeling that I seriously wanted to enter this university. Their syllabus are more than just teaching you what you need to know, they include how to apply it in real life although their syllabus do not really give you exemption on ACCA or ICAEW professional papers. Well, I was not aiming to take that either.

So, I started to do research in order to get some inspiration in writing my personal statement. Browsing through all the information and analysis, I found what I want and the funniest thing is, I might be going onto a pathway that I once refused to. I have forgotten since when I started to set my mind on becoming an entrepreneur and one of my businesses will be a restaurant, a F&B business. I like the feeling of creating new venture, creating new value out of something as well as transferring your skills to others through sharing and education.

Being a successful entrepreneur ain't that easy, it requires a lot from a person and experiences in workplace are definitely required. When I was doing my research, I actually found out how a study in ICAEW can benefit one like me. Putting aside the fact that a lot of the top successful businessmen took up ICAEW or ACCA, by just looking on the future after the studies, I can enter an audit firm and start off my career life with being an auditor, completing my tasks by different companies. Well, I'm not saying that in order to become an entrepreneur, you must first take the professional papers, but I have been hoping to have the chance to experience, or at least to know more about how other big companies operate before I start to build my own business. It seems like taking this up will provide me the great chance and it's definitely better and more efficient than I change my job once in two years hahaha!

And so, I was thinking to take that up after studying in LSE. Until that day when I received rejection from LSE, honestly I did feel disappointed. It seemed like the want to study in London will not be fulfilled. Luckily the reason for them to reject me was due to my personal statement that did not demonstrate enough focus or the future planning after my degree but not due to my results which I could have work harder on it. I wrote about how important is the degree and how it can actually benefit to me for my future career as an entrepreneur. I guess they must be expecting one to write more about accounting and the future of an auditor or financial analyst. Well, I was the one who chose to not write that much about accounting because it's totally not what I'm interested in, so I could not brag about it too. I missed the chance because of my own choice but not due to something that I could have done better, I guess this made me feel a lot better.

God treated me really well, for He did not leave me alone in this battle. He put people around me, telling me that God has a better plan for me. Then, my friend started to tell me how good Warwick is, for it has the best research center in the UK and it provides you with the most exemptions in ICAEW. I went online to search about it too, it stated that ICAEW has a partnership with three top universities in the UK, which are Manchester, Cardiff and Warwick. Furthermore, Warwick was ranked 1st for degree in Accounting and Finance. He showed me all these after I got my rejection. Yea, I admit that I have been putting my main focus on the wrong aspect, wanting to live a city life and I nearly chose the wrong university. He got no other way but to take away my offer from LSE. (But LSE is really a very good university, both Warwick and LSE provide very good education and they are both top universities in the UK. It truly depends on yourself where do you want to study at as both will equip you with different skills and experiences, shaping you into a good graduate and highly efficient employee. The most important thing is still your attitude in learning and how you bring up yourself throughout the three years.)

So, I switched my target to Warwick, waited for more than one month for the reply. I knew that was normal, but the process of waiting was just too long. Refreshing the same page every midnight and morning just for the email from UCAS. Until the Petronas officers came to our college for engagement session, we still have not receive our offer from our first choice of university. You might be asking why do we need to worry, Petronas only allow us to apply to the top 20 universities in the UK and what's more can they ask for if we get our offer. But the truth is they are asking for diversity, they do not want to put so many scholars in one university, meaning that you might not get to enter to your first choice of university even if you are offered a place. Luckily, Mr Rasyidi said that they would not dictate that much. Last Sunday, after we had our church classes, my church friends prayed for me. They prayed to God to give me the best to me for He knows the best for me, taking care of me as I'm His daughter and fulfilling my little wish to study at Warwick. Then, Dayana received the offer on Thursday midnight.

I waited again for a whole day, hoping and praying that I will be the next one to receive the offer too. I reached home at about 12.45am after the celebration of our 3rd year anniersary (oops~~), the email has not come yet and I fell asleep with the thought that I have to wait for one more day. Surprisingly, I woke up at 4am. Guess what, the alarm of my digital watch woke me up =.= The purpose of the alarm was not to wake me up, but if you own a digital watch before, you would know that anyhow it is, you need to set a random time for the alarm. So, I opened my eyes and I could hear the voice in my mind, telling me to open my email. It must be Him, and so, I took my phone and did what He told me to do.

And arrrrrrrrrr................. there was a new email and it was the "status changed" notification from UCAS. Went to open the UCAS track --> saw the conditional offer --> speechless. I could not say anything else but just "Thank you God!". For some people, getting an offer from Warwick might not seem to be a big deal. But for one that has been longing just for the reply to come, worrying that if I get it late, Petronas might not allow me to be there, doubting my own ability and wondering if I will really be the one whom they accept, I felt extremely excited, with a little bit of surprised and a lot of gratefulness!

My dear God, seriously, thank you very much. Previously, I just saw what I really want, but You have a great plan for me and it's much more better than what I demanded for. I know I should have trusted You more on this, I should have just waited patiently for Your answer and Your surprise to come, but I did not. I worried, I doubted myself and I prayed for many times, I hope that I did not annoy you =P They were right, You treated me just like Your little baby, holding me tight since I came to this world. Thank You for all that You have done and all that You will be doing for me. I will live a great life and be the model of others, showing them how great are You in changing one's life. Thank you God <3

The cross and the moon

I will look on to You,

You lead my life, 

not only when the day is bright,

but also when I fight against the darkness ;)

昨晚，星光璀璨 **

昨晚，难得有如此雅兴，在晚餐过后，和 Lian，min wen 坐在游泳池旁一边吃冰淇淋，一边谈天。我记得，我们以前的学哥学姐常常都会这么做，结伴在泳池旁一起聊天到深夜。或许是我们这一代的华人比较少，或许我该说能够谈心的人并不多吧~ 大家似乎还是比较在乎自己，或是根本不觉得有那个必要。

我们从坐在椅子上谈着缺少了的第四位，渐渐地到坐在地上，把脚浸在泳池里。在那星星满布的夜空下，潺潺的流水声轻微地伴奏着，大家都不知觉地多了一份感性。昨晚，夜很深，周围很静，只有那管理员在周围巡逻。我真的真的好久没有看见那么漂亮的夜空了，很多星星，仿佛是为了这一晚而现身的，很美，很美。。。

整夜，我们的话题就围绕在感情内。以前中学时期，年少无知的我们学人家说爱，结果却爱得了满身伤。大家起初都似乎很有感觉，也很向往那在一起的时候，可当问题出现时，却因为是第一次，所以不知所措，所以伤了自己伤了对方，结束了感情。听着 Lian 说他的故事，听着他说 “我当时真的很笨，真的真的很笨” 时，突然好有感触。

大人总喜欢说，中学时期很多小孩子都是情犊初开，想要尝试谈恋爱的感觉，却都还没搞懂什么是爱。可是，有很多时候，在年少轻狂期所做的这些 “傻事” 却是很难忘的。无论是好是坏，都会有一部分是你常会缅怀的，至少我是如此，他们也是如此。如今，站在这稍微成熟的成长阶段，再一次看回感情这门事，思想观点可真的不一样了。

如果你问我，三年来我们是怎么过的，我会说我们有自己独特的方式吧。或许很多人会好奇，那么少见面，行吗？我会说，双方懂得平衡就好。我们本来就是个比较不喜欢受约束的人，而在这段时日大家也想好好地和朋友们一起玩翻天。这一方面的拿捏，他真的做得很好，连 Lian 也赞他好，哈哈！

两个人走在一起的时候，主要的就是找个适合大家的平衡点吧。如果你确定了他将是你唯一所爱的人，那就不会有在一起久了会厌倦或是越长久越发觉不适合。很多人会说，结婚是爱情的坟墓或是在一起久了，爱就没有了，只剩下对对方所应该负起的责任，我却不怎么赞同。责任和爱是有联系的，如果不爱，哪来的责任？如果在一起只为了责任而少了爱，那岂不是很累吗？难道在外工作所要负起的责任还不够重吗？正正是为了你爱他，你才会欣然地履行你的承诺啊~

感情这门学识，还真不简单。处于不同阶段的伴侣，一直都是在不断互相学习，直到闭上眼睛的那一天。朋友，如果哪一天，你找到了属于你的那个人，请紧紧地抓住他，知道吗？ ;)  不然就不爱，要爱就要爱到底！

有时候，两个人在一起，

简简单单就好 ^^

原来，是祢 :)

自从来了教会，开始读圣经，开始上主日学，我才慢慢寻获以前怎么也无法解释的答案。有时候，我也会混乱，究竟是我把所有的刚巧联系在一起，把根本没有关系也扯在一起呢，还是其实是祢在给我的提示？总觉得，这世上若不是祢，应该不会有那么多刚巧的吧？

今天上主日学的时候，我们学习到关于圣灵。以往，我总会说我从小身边就有个天使，他无时无刻都陪伴在我身边。每当我有太多无法向人说出的话，我必说给他听。总觉得我体内一直住着另一个我，一个我常强调要守护的，那最纯的我。一个我做错事会责备我的良心，一个会把我坏念头打消的正直，一个不断扶持着我的坚强，一个让我看见这世界有多美的纯。因此，我常常都会有平安，因为我有他与我同在。

上课的时候，当梦洁给予越多讲解，我就越深感其受。如果说，根据新约，圣灵会与每个相信主的人同在，也必不会离开，那么我长久以来所认识的那天使，是圣灵吗？太多的相似，让我觉得就是他的感觉。太多的不敢置信，为什么我从小就可以获得祢的眷顾。。。

有时候，这种感觉很奇怪。是我真的对祢有着小孩子般的信心和盼望，还是我真的想太多？读回去以前的文字，蕴含一种非常庆幸有祢同在的感觉，一种觉得祢时刻都在守护我的信心。我知道我不应该质疑，而日子久了，祢也会慢慢地揭晓谜底。可是好奇心却不断驱使着我一再地想要探讨那答案，想要知道究竟是为什么祢会那么地恩待我。

这样兜兜转转又过了好几回，或许最后的答案很简单，那就是因为我是祢的女儿嘛~ 我只要读着祢的话语，追随祢的脚步，相信祢，然后把自己全然交托，对吗？就像小时候的我，就像还没察觉那是祢的时候，就那样单纯地相信祢，单纯地信靠祢，不为了什么，只为祢是我永生的主，对吗？

他们都说，婴孩时期的基督徒的祷告，上帝必允许让它成真，因为他们有着小孩子般的信心，是真的吗？那我所祷告的，祢听见了吧？:)

A: 你不是说上帝是听祷告的吗？结果呢？也没有回应你？

B: 不！他听祷告的，每次都听，而且绝不落空！
他回应了，只是这次的答复是 ：不可以！:)

My 1st PD Talk @ RAC Subang ;)

Today, I had my first Professional Development Talk with Rotaract Club of Subang~ Come to think of it, I have joined them for more than one year. All this while they have been treating me like their baby as I'm the youngest among all and most of them are working adults. I don't know why will I volunteer to present for this month, but I guess there is no harm to give it a try? haha

After the usual meeting, I prepared myself for the PD Talk as well as the sharing on my RYLA experience, two presentation in one shot~ During tonight's meeting, there were 2 Rotaractors from Bangladesh with us. I was telling JT, "why is it on the day that I will be going to present, there are so many people? LOL!" Luckily, before we got to end our meeting, they had to leave as they will be having an early flight on the next morning. So, it left with the usual members who I'm familiar with and some new guests.

My PD topic was "Network Marketing : Trustable or Scam?". Before I went into this field, I did quite some research on it. I was thinking as a student, I don't really have much topic to talk about, then why not share on what I got from my research. Therefore, I prepared a presentation on this topic, sharing with them about what is it all about, how do they operate, how do people think about it, the pros and cons as well as some little tips for them. The flow of my presentation was smooth, I think it was because I truly understand what I was talking about.

At the end, Jimmy supported it by sharing the story of his aunt, a disabled lady who earn up to 5 figures each month. But I would like to emphasize that it's really not for everyone and it does require hard work before you can really earn a stable income. I would not regard it as fast money, neither an easy income. Before you sign up for it, you need to consider whether it is suitable for you as well as your level of commitment.

They said it was a beneficial presentation and straight to the point. Hope that my feedback on RYLA will be useful for them as well~ Glad that I have made my first move, another step closer, another mark on my path as a Rotarator.

First is done, 

More to come :)

Netball @ KDU 2013

Unlike previous years, the KDU Sport Challenge 2013 is no longer in July, it has started few days ago. Initially, I was thinking to take a rest this year. Well, I have participated in Campus Run and Athletics during the first year, Netball and Athletics last year, this year I would like to take a break and watch the match =P But at the end of the day, my housemates dragged me into the Netball team again @.@

If you ask me, I will say I cannot even play netball well. Back into high school, girls used to play basketball instead of netball. When I came to KDU, girls are only allowed to participate in netball tournament and basketball tournament is strictly for guys only~ During last year's Sport Carnival, I just had a random thought to pick up the skill and hence, I joined the team. Till then, only I found out that there is actually so many restrictions in netball. All along I thought the players are only not allowed to move when they caught the ball, but it's actually more than that, including the area for each players, the roles, footsteps and of course the coordination among the team.

I admit that my footsteps ain't that good, maybe I just have the stamina and the skill in getting the ball from opponent team (they call it defend) which become the advantages for me. This year, Yellow Team members are better than last year, at least we got into more serious training and we do have more good players. It was clearly shown when we defeated the Blue Team, which was the champion for many years consecutively, and draw with the Green Team, which was usually the second.

We were all surprised when we won against the Blue Team with 4:3, just one goal ahead from them. Although we were aiming for the best game, not the first place, but that match seriously boosted our spirit. At the end, the result was a draw among the Blue, Green and Yellow, each of us has won 2 match. So, they counted by goals and Blue Team got the first place and we had to rematch with Green Team as we had the same number of goals. Then, we appeared to be the 3rd place~

Although we still remained as the 3rd place like last year, this year's was definitely a better match as compared to last year's. Despite the little argument between the captain and the staff and Eunice twisted her leg, everything went so well. I guess this would be my last sport match in KDU? haha~

Group picture of Yellow Netball Team ;)

I wonder
if I will still participate in netball when I'm at UK

:P

静夜庆元宵

丰富的菜肴
生疏的人潮
鞭炮的相奏
嘻哈的应对似乎
已掩盖了想家之意

多少个十日
似游子般漂流
家   成了半途的休息站
记住的   遗忘了
遗忘的   想起了

多少个一日
坐席上仍留了一位
期待你的归来
再予我些许时日
我必让其安享晚年

众人皆说元宵之际
月圆人团圆
在这宁静的深夜
时针对准了十二
圆   消了

何时方能再共赏

月的圆  夜的美？

与 ph 的小邂~

ph 从台湾回来了，哈哈！就在他回到台湾上课之前，得以和他出来叙旧了一下~

除了熙之和建伸，他就是另一个教导我成长的人了。想起当初空空如也地进入了劲草，在我来到少年茫然时期的十字路口，是他们引领我走向这一条道路。我常会说，劲草是 zxj 的诞生之处，因 xj 起名于此处，亦于此处萌芽绽放。心境的升华，是一种形容不出，却明显看得见的蜕变。

他，虽然真的很善于吹水，道理连篇，但如果你认真地去吸收，还真可学到不少。很多时候，大家的处事风格都是因跟随不一样长老而形成。他却让我吸取三位的好，然后再走出自己的风格。听见他说我是那成功的例子，我真感到庆幸，总算没有辜负了他们三人。虽然身边的人与环境都变了，可是已经拥有的心境是长随的。

劲草的巅峰期，是一段深刻地烙在心中的回忆；他们的肯定，也是漫漫路程中的推动力。既然沦落已经是预料之中的，何必执著呢，对吧？他说得对，从他们毕业以后，大家都隐约料到劲草的未来。我非圣贤，我曾经缅怀，也曾经尝试保留，始终一人难独撑大舟。转眼间，我都已经毕业三年了，已经没有必要再存有任何感触，这一切都成为了成长的回忆。如果你问我，我仅剩的一丝丝遗憾，就是来不及将当中所有的精髓传承吧，只来得及让他们成形，却未能让其中充实。

以前，ph 总喜欢在巴士上和我吹水或教我许多人生道理。看见他们，就像是一群带着17岁的身体，却拥有着超乎同龄人的心境。如今，同一个人坐在我的面前，诉说这自己的故事。不知怎么的，我似乎还是很喜欢听着他说故事，然后从中吸取。从他开口和我说起他的家人，说起了他的感情，我感受到了他以前没有的释怀，也多了分稳重和开朗。或许年龄的增长，渐增的体验以及时间的流逝真的起了效用。我们，不也都是如此吗？

我们其实真的甚少打字说话，因为根本不知道要说什么。是因面对面的时候非得开口，或因大家都已经习惯了这沟通方式都已不再重要了。这一次一别，也不知道多久后才能再见。我祝福他的前程，希望他早日能够放下。过了这一关以后，你就又达到更高的境界了 =)

大家,

都各自地努力着~

槟城4日行 :)

就这样，在情人节的这一天，结束了在槟城的四天~

星期一的大清早，我便随着他的家人驾驶北上。这算是我四次去到那里，却是第一次真正地去玩，以往的各为露营，跑步和吹风。一路上，周围的风景可真的很漂亮。从小就在城市长大，就连家乡也在八打灵的我，有时候真想在乡村地带住上一段时间，一睹那绿油油，蓝天白云的风采，享受宁静安详的生活。

在他妈妈家乡的前两天，的确会有点不习惯，只因他的亲戚真的真的很多，哈哈！过了两天，我想，我真正认得和记得名字的就只有那几个，但也总比他20年了还会认错自己亲戚好 :P 他外公家那里有个很大的菜园，是第一次到菜园去。如果有机会，下一次应该也到稻田去参观，想必亲身立足于那里的感觉一定会比从远处张望来得更好。

之后的两天，我们乘坐渡轮到槟岛去游玩（我看到好多 jellyfish 在海中!!），寄宿了在他表嫂的家。第一天早上，我们先到了escape park 去玩。所幸有他的表哥和表嫂载我们上去，如果是坐巴士，想必到达的时候，人潮已经挤满了整个地方。这也难怪，新年嘛，大家都带家人出来共享天伦，或是和朋友游玩。那里的构造真的很特别，结合了各种以绳子为主的攀爬活动和一些古时的特色。

我们玩了 monkey business, tubby racer 和 discovery dig。他还挑战了 atan's leap。说到这些活动，我也得认老了~ 我还不算得上有畏高症，可是比起以前却比较不能承受从高处冲下来的冲力了。不过还好我没有像他那样挑战 monkey business 的最高 level，不然谁来替他拍那么多漂亮的照片哈哈。

Monkey Business 

看他跳楼~

之后，我们到了沙滩那里走走，晚上吃了变回家休息。第二天，我们在壁画街拍照。看见早晨的细雨，原以为必须取消计划，还好之后停了。步行环绕了整个地区，还真的蛮累的。我们和四处的游客一样，一手拿着地图，然后大街小巷去找寻壁画，可惜有些已经没有或淡化了 :( 吃了午餐后，我们回去梳洗以后便出发回家了~

出名的姐弟骑车

这两天内，尝到了道地的美食，到了escape park 一游，和出名的壁画拍了照，同时也见识槟城的交通。rapid penang 可以让我们足足等上了两个小时 >< 这一次的旅程，还真的要感激好多人。感谢他的家人那么照顾我，处处都为我想。感谢他的表哥表嫂的款待，让我们寄宿（可怜他在客厅睡了两晚 XD），还请我们吃。最后，谢谢你带我到槟城去玩！

努力读书前的最后一个假期，最后一次放纵自己。这个新年假期，还真的很开心 ^^

槟城有美食天堂之称，

可这次的背包旅行，

我，却瘦了 :P

A Little of That Touched My Heart :')

Once I reached home for Chinese New Year celebration, I saw this 2 cards on my table. Far away from US and UK, from primary sisters Marissa and Hui Teng <3

Time flies, really fast. It was just like yesterday when we were running at the basketball court, playing around with each other and 煲电话粥 for few hours. It has been 13 years since Standard 1. Yea, I have known Noob Sa for 13 years and Teng for 12 years. From sisters that always stick together, we are now separated far away, each working hard, fighting for our own bright future. 

In Teng's card, she wrote down part of the lyric of "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins. 

"Come stop your crying it will be alright

 Just take my hand hold it tight

 I will protect you from all around you

 I will be here don't you cry

 From one so small you seem so strong

 My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm

 This bond between us can't be broken

 I will be here don't you cry

 Cause you'll be in my heart

 Yes you'll be in my heart

 From this day on

 Now and forever more"

Throughout this 20 years, a lot of things happened. Words can never fully express how much we have went through on our own path and how much does it take for us to be who we are now. We might not have each other to always be by our side, but deep down in your heart, you know they are there. Whenever you ask for help, you know they will never let you down or leave you alone. 

Noob Sa, remember to take care of yourself there. While enjoying your life, must remember to study hard okay? Once in a while, do share with me your suh-weet suh-weet stories =P 

For Teng, you better start building up your muscle now. I know my head is heavy, you must make sure that your shoulder is strong enough for me to lean on when I feel like crying XD

All and all, I feel glad that I have them to be by my side. Just a few years more, we will be back together again. Till then, we shall wait and see how much we have changed. I wish you girls all the best and always stay happy. No matter how far we have gone to, remember to leave a space for me in your heart <3 

I will not do anything today but smile

Because I have you girls ;)